Dear Betch…

Dear Betches,

Ever since the 8th grade, my best friend has always been trying to put me down, literally. We've always been compared to with each other, always been the two hottest girls, but I never really cared. But she actually always tries to make my life suck. Weather it be guys, school, friends, sports, she will do anything to make herself above me. It's actually quite sad how much shes tries. Recently she hooked up with a bro who I've been with for a while. We weren't exclusive or anything, but she knew how much I liked him. That was it for me, but I don't know what to do because we're in the same friend group (I'm in high school by the way) and it's almost impossible to get away from her. I'm trying to figure out the classiest, betchiest way to move on from her sad, pathetic ass, but I just don't know how. I also don't really know if I'm ready to just move on, given we have been BFFS since like, back when Hardtails were in style. Please help this BIT (Betch In Training)


Lost Betch

Dear Lost Betch,

This girl is obviously more of your frenemy than your BFF. If she were your real bestie, she would be plotting ways to get this guy to date you instead of shadily hooking up with a guy you like despite knowing your feelings about him. It sounds like you and this girl shadily hate each other but have been best friends forever and it's really convenient and easier just to pretend to like each other. However, sometimes people grow up and aren't the same people they were when they were twelve years old (shocker) and they realize they fucking hate each other. Shit happens. I get your dilemma of having similar friends and that being awkward so here's what you do.

Continue to be friendly to her face but subtly distance yourself from her. Don't tell her anything personal about you or guys you like, and generally don't include her in plans whenever it's not totally necessary to invite her. You don't need to be her public enemy to always have an eye on her. Then, when you go to college you can fully ditch her. In the meantime, subtle snubs are the way to go. If the rest of your friends don't suck, they'll probably see what a loser she really is and find solace talking shit about her with you behind her back. If not, you should probably find new friends. Keep your besties close and your enemies closer but don't start World War 3 over a backstabbing mean girl. Betches don't cry, they just don't invite you to their next intimate gathering.


The Betches

Dear Betch,

If I'm really a DD please let me know. Right before school ended last year I started rekindling with an old hook up, like high school status. We had made out once on a date the year before but nothing ever came about it. Rewind to May of this year when I was in my first “serious” relationship. After a few months my boyfriend turned into a mean douche and I was getting fed up. What really put me over the edge was when this old guy came back into my life. Being constantly nice to me I realized it was time to dump the douche I was with. After I did, things quickly heated up between the old pro. We were casually hooking up (no sex, just fooling around) for a couple weeks when he looked at me and told me he wanted to make things more serious between us and he was finally ready to enter a relationship. It was a fairytale summer. We'd go on short vacations with our families and come back so happy to see each other. I domed him a lot, lol, and we were both overly happy together. Right before school started back up again I asked him if he was still on the same page, as he was a few months earlier, about our relationship. He said he had never had a doubt in his mind.

Flash forward to the first day of school. I was expecting a warm hug at least in the morning, but I was rewarded with the image of the back of his head. He wouldn't look me in the eye and when I got within 10 feet of him he would dart away. So hurt and confused I went up to him at the end of the day asking what was going on, he relplied: “I had my fun. I maybe think we can still be friends. But most likely not.” I looked at him straight in the eyes hurt, confused, angry. I walked away without turning back.

I brought it up to one of his best friends a few days later to see what my old/now ex flame's side of the story had been. He said that we were never in a relationship or anything exclusive at all. And that I was a clingy psycho who was convinced we were dating. Did I miss something? How did I misread 'I am so happy with you and I want to take things to the next level.' It was one thing if he was over it but to deny that anything ever happened and paint me to look like an obsessive freak is just… doesn't make sense.

Was I the DD all along? Was I just used? What do you think? I want to be strong and betchy and show him that he messed up the best thing he ever had, but I can't help but feel humiliated that our relationship was a fraud. I really opened up to him, and he did the same to me. Or at least I thought he did. How's a betch to move on?


DD or is he the Douchey Dick?

Dear DD or is he the Douchey Dick,

Not knowing this guy or your past with him, it's hard to say exactly what happened. Maybe he felt duped by you after your first date a long time ago and was trying to get revenge by making you seem delusional. Maybe he thought he would look cool in front of his friends by making you out to seem like a desperate clingy girl that he used for sex. Maybe you really are delusional and all the things he said about wanting to take the things to the next level were not said or were said when he was wasted.

Either way, it's best to move on and find a guy who doesn't just tell you that he wants to be your boyfriend but acts like it as well. This includes doing things with you that are public, expensive, and difficult. It sounds like this guy said what he needed to say to get you going through the summer and then decided the sex wasn't worth being publicly associated with you once school started. In any case, it's time to cut your losses and be thankful you're not actually in a relationship with someone that's an immature douchebag who attempts to fuck with your head. From now on disregard anything guys say and instead just look at the way they act. Talk is cheap and betches are anything but.


The Betch


More amazing sh*t

Best from Shop Betches