I’m Dating a Guy That Doesn’t Drink. I Should Dump Him, Right? Dear Betch…

​Dear Betch,

This guy I'm talking to has been sober for three years. He comes from a good family, well-off, he's fully employed, 6'3″ gorgeous, above average piece, great taste in music, loves his mama….Anyway, he's actually too good to be true until I remember he is 100% clean and sober. My first thoughts were “this is a problem,” but being from my Italian/Irish family, this is a tragedy. Our family fridge is always stocked with wine and beer. Bloody Mary's are a staple on Sunday. There's a full bar and a kegerator in my basement. Alcohol is our hobby. Any day of the week we're collectors of fine wines, craft brews, and high quality liquor and when we rage it's pretty fucking serious. This is how I was raised. Just saying it now- I won't change.

Then there's my social life. I live a pretty fast lifestyle that's he's fully aware of. A solid portion of my paycheck is for “adventure” as my dad would put it – renting hotel suites in random cities with friends, clubs, music festivals, spur of the moment flights – EVERY weekend is another non-conversation about how much fun I had wasted at that crazy place off this tank drink my friend couldn't finish cause she was blackout. So I guess my question is, even if this guy is everything I want and there's serious potential, is this worth pursuing? Is it even possible? And what?? no wine/movie nights? No drunk, messy, wild sex!? What am I doing…….but he's just so…ugh.


Dating Sober Sally

Dear Sober Sally, 

As surprised as you might be to hear us say this, dating a guy who doesn't drink, however lame that may be is not in itself a dealbreaker. Getting blackout is a personal choice that not everyone has the ability to do without turning into Lindsay Lohan. What is a dealbreaker is that in the words of Cher Horowitz, your lifestyles just don't mesh well together. 

Finding the right relationship is a combination of a physical and mental connection, having the same interests and hobbies, and timing. However much the first thing is working out, the latter two are a shitty fit right now. Sure, if you were the type of betch that only blacked out every now and then, I'm sure your boyfriend could deal with it (just because he drinks doesn't mean you should have to stop). However, since it sounds like this phase of your life is pretty much revolved around getting fucked up, it's simply not the right time to be dating a wet rag (or rather, extremely dry rag) of a partner. Maybe when you're older and you've gotten all that shit out of your system you can settle down with this Sober Sally, but until then have fun and look for someone with a mutual interest in getting so fucked up that you don't remember what your interests are in the first place. 


The Betches


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