3 Ways Dating In College Is The Total Opposite Of Dating In Your 20s

Let’s get something clear from the start: one of these is not actually dating. I don’t care if the guy you took to five consecutive formals also made you a picnic that one time or whatever else people do between fucking asked you to hang out before 9pm: college is the best four years of your life oh my god I’m so old a complete joke. Whatever versions of adult life you attempt in that time, they can only be expected to bear a baseline resemblance to the real thing. So, here are a few ways you can expect your dating life to change once your parents take back their credit card you earn your degree.

You Will Have New Priorities

In college, that guy with piercing blue eyes who shit on your taste in music and had a surprisingly skinny dick slightly washed man bun was considered a catch. Now, any guy who self-describes as an “intellectual” is automatically vetoed: you are a busy and important woman who does not have time to hear whatever theories on the universe four bong rips yielded this time. You need a man with enough follow-through and determination to give you an orgasm hold down a job, and the ability to meaningfully listen to your inane work rants legitimate professional woes without interjecting about how closely this relates to his latest screenplay. TL;DR: If his Bumble profile lists actor/writer/musician/artist etc., save yourself the HPV and just swipe left.

Jonah Hill No

“Busy” Actually Means Something

In college, “sorry, I’m busy” loosely translated to “you threw up in my bed and there’s broken glass everywhere, please stop texting.” To be less personal, it meant “we’re not fucking right now.” The point is, there’s basically nothing in college that you really “can’t miss,” so this is an obvious excuse. So next time a college guy tries this on you, just text his mom all his dick pics get some reasonable revenge and move the fuck on. In your 20s, it’s actually a pretty big red flag If he’s never busy—he’s either lying about his job, or so obsessed with you that he’s willing to risk getting fired so he never misses a chance to hang. Either way, pass.

Busy

Your “Best Self” Will Change

I truly say this like once a day never thought I’d say this, but I miss the days when the “chill girl” was all guys wanted from you: wearing tiny denim shorts and pretending not to know half your ass was out, drinking way too much beer, and generally suppressing screams at the amount of dirt in your immediate surroundings. Now that guys are no longer in the land of no consequences college, they’re just as freaked out about real-life shit as you are—so, they start caring more about qualities like emotional stability, or the potential that you will one day solve all their mommy issues cook them a meal. Obviously, you don’t ever have to actually do this: just lend the impression your first few dates that you are a completely different person will actively improve their life, not feel like a second job.

Good Person

Basic points: while your life will get worse in every way drastically change after you graduate, you do get slightly better taste, guys get more creative with their lying, and you’ll be forced to act a tiny bit more your age. While you’re in college, just wear a condom enjoy your freedom (because even if you think you’re dating someone, you’re really, really probably not).

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