; 228. Darty | Betches

228. Darty

A betch’s night schedule is obv. You take a couple shots to pregame, go out, party, get white betch wasted, and have sex you won’t remember. The one day, betches realized they could do this shit during the daytime, and their lives were forever changed. And thus day party, or darty, was born.

A darty is favorable because: 1. You have no day responsibilities when you’re dartying, or you forgot your day responsibilities, which just means you can do it tomorrow or never, so it’s all the same. 2. You can get up the next morning because you inevitably fall asleep at 6pm instead of 6am (unless you’re involved in a dage; see below). 3. Your Instagram posts look better because you’re not using flash.

You also can’t confuse day drinking or drunk brunch with dartying. Day drinking just insinuates alcoholism (which it isn’t until you graduate or have your own job, and that’s not going to happen because your dad refuses to stop sending you money) and drunk brunch involves restaurants. Dartying is literally just doing everything you would on a Saturday night on a Wednesday afternoon. In other words, a very different kind of hump day. 

And dartying can lead to daging, which is day raging. Daging is a little different in that it usually involves more alcohol, more fun, and more time. Unlike dartying, daging needs moderation. To protect your liver and judgment from people “you don’t really care about anyway,” there are times you should and should not dage.

When you can dage: Spring Break, formals weekend, whenever you’re in New Orleans, the first three weeks of any kind of break or vacation, the last three weeks of any kind of break or vacation, when your friends want to dage, to celebrate getting out of rehab, and pretty much whenever you decide you have a reason

When you can’t dage: at night, fucking duh.

So betches, always remember that drinking isn't for a specific time, it's a state of mind. And if you disagree, it's probably because you just don't remember.