Crazy Wedding Story Of The Week: Hold My Pee

Whether you hate the wedding-industrial complex, are a bride planning a wedding and want to feel better about your own demands, or just need something to read, we’re doing a new series where we share the craziest, most out-of-touch wedding story we found on the internet that week. Submit your own crazy wedding stories to [email protected] with the subject line Crazy Wedding Story, and we just might feature yours. And make sure to follow @BetchesBrides on Instagram and subscribe to our podcast, Betches Brides.

This week’s wedding story is short on length, but long on insanity. It comes to us via submission from a wedding planner, Katie, who is truly doing the Lord’s work in wrangling insane brides and bridal parties, and then reporting back all the stupid sh*t they do.

The Set-Up

Let’s set the scene. We’re whisked away to magical Orange County, CA, for today’s ridiculous wedding story story. Katie says this was, in fact, a very high-end wedding—”they spent at least $70k on the event,” she revealed to usbut if there’s one thing I learned from this wedding story, it’s that Countess LuAnn was right, and money doesn’t buy you class. She added, “the wedding was even published on a well-known blog after the fact,” a fun fact that is going to become even more outrageous once you’ve read the full story. Katie’s email to us begins:

“I’m a wedding planner and have my fair share of crazy wedding stories, but this one is my favorite:

The bride showed up to the wedding about 5 minutes before the ceremony was set to start, double fisting a Bud Light and a Coors Light, clearly trashed. I came up to the bridal suite a few minutes later to get them lined up for the ceremony, and as I opened the door a bridesmaid handed me a flower vase full of warm pee, with a used tissue balanced on the edge.”

Wait, WHAT? First of all, the bride is double-fisting Bud Light and Coors Light. Is this a wedding or a f*cking pledge party? Where’s the champagne? The mimosas? At the very least, couldn’t they have been drinking spiked seltzer? All of those options feel classier and more wedding-appropriate than what I’m seeing here. But like, I guess the bigger problem is that the bride was wasted right before she was set to walk down the aisle, regardless of the beverage of choice that got her wasted.

Aside from the very questionable drink choices, why, oh why, did she choose to pee in a f*cking vase? There must be a legit explanation here, right? Well, there is… sort of, depending on your definition of “legit”.

Why, God, Why?

Katie continues:

“She explained that the bride didn’t want walk to the bathroom (which was very close, mind you) so she decided to pee in the vase. The bridesmaids shoved the vase into my hand without warning, hesitation or apology, and I was left standing there with my mouth open and a vase full of piss in hand while 10 bridesmaids waltzed past me down the aisle.

 I still can’t get over that one 4 years later. And that poor bridesmaid, at least I was being paid that day.”

STOP. So, first of all, the bride literally couldn’t find it in her heart to walk to the f*cking bathroom? Wouldn’t squatting over a toilet have been easier than squatting over a vase? I’ve been to the doctor, and in my opinion, peeing into a small vessel is no easy feat. Was there a long line for the bathroom? Did the bride not think she could get her Spanx down in time? I literally have so many questions. Secondly, what did Katie DO with the vase of pee? I def would have said, “oh, no thank you” and put that sh*t down on the floor for someone else to deal with. I know you’re getting paid, but there’s a price for such things, and that price does not cover my dignity.

Also, now I really want to read the writeup of this wedding in the so-called “well-known blog”, just to compare the article with reality.

Do you have a crazy wedding story? Send it to [email protected] and we just might write about it.
Images: Samantha Gades / Unsplash; Giphy (2)
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson