We all love-hate Corinne, but you’ve got to admit she is interesting af. It’s only been five weeks, but so far she’s managed to challenge our conventional definitions of the words “adult,” “cheese pasta,” and “emotional intelligence.” She’s also flopped around and looked borderline unconscious in a video with 2 Chainz. Is there anything this woman can’t do? Other than receiving the final rose (because let’s be real, that’s not happening), I’m going to go ahead and say no. Just when you thought Corinne couldn’t get any more perplexing, she goes and does something like appear in a commercial with Vinny from Jersey Shore. No, this is not a drill.
Okay, I mean technically, this commercial came out in 2013, but obviously Corinne wasn’t Corinne back then, so it didn’t matter until precisely this moment. Serious question: If Corinne sprays whipped cream on her boobs or calls someone a bitch or straddles a guy in a bouncy castle and no cameras are around to record it, did it happen?
Anyway, so this commercial was for Benefit Cosmetics, and it’s weird af. It’s called “Real Men Don’t Fake It,” which makes no sense considering it’s a commercial for some fucking mascara. The premise of the commercial—which is advertised as NSFW but is really only only NSFW if you work in a Mormon compound—is that a bunch of dudes store this mascara in their crotch, so it makes their dicks look big. Until, surprise! They take out the mascara and give it to the closest woman in their proximity. Because screw flowers, chocolates, or honesty—what every woman really wants is dick mascara. Mmmmm, sign me up!
The commercial opens with this Walmart-brand Riff Raff, so you have an idea of just what we’re getting into:
Then it cuts to Vinny!!! Doing yoga for some unexplained reason. Because real men do yoga?
For what it’s worth, his tree pose needs work—that foot needs to go up higher on the thigh.
About 15 seconds in, we see a glimpse of Corinne!
That’s got to be her. Look at the expression she’s making—it’s the same one she makes anytime she sees Nick/when pondering her next big emotional manipulation tactic.
Then there are more gratuitous crotch shots, plus this girl making this very thirsty face:
Funny because that also happens to be the actual expression I make any time I see a guy in gray sweatpants.
After you’ve subjected to yourself to the torture that is watching almost all of this video, Corinne appears again!
Yep, that’s our girl, second from the right. This time she gets more than a split-second of screen time.
The weird thing about this commercial—aside from everything about it, I mean—is that it came out in 2013, which means Corinne was like, 20 when it was shot. She looks exactly the fucking same though, which leads me to believe she is a succubus who consumes other people’s souls in exchange for eternal life. Still a working theory, but I’m in the process of gathering empirical evidence.