Cinco De Drinko: Guacamole, Salsa, And Queso

Today, we will salute the heroes of Mexico, or whatever, on the country's Independence Day with salsa, queso, and guacamole. We will also knock back as many margaritas as humanly possible before hating ourselves. Even the most basic bitch who hates cooking should know how to make these simple as fuck Mexican dips for her guests while they drink.


  • 2 shelled avocados
  • 4 oz fresh pico de gallo (store bought or prepare your own with diced fresh tomatoes, red onions, cilantro, garlic, lime juice, and salt)
  • 1 oz fresh lime juice
  • 1 teaspoon kosher salt

Mash all of the ingredients together in a bowl. That’s it.


  • 2 cups chopped and seeded tomatoes
  • 4 cloves of garlic, finely chopped
  • ½ medium white onion, chopped
  • 1  jalapeno, finely chopped
  • ¼ cup cilantro, chopped
  • Sea salt
  • Cumin

Mix all ingredients in a large bowl and serve. You can do this mostly drunk.


We are going traditional and doing Ro-Tel and Velveeta so fucking deal with it. 

  • 1 can (10 oz) Ro*Tel Original Dice Tomatoes and Green Chilies, undrained
  • 1 package (16 oz) Velveeta, cut into ½ inch cubes
  • Pinch of chili powder
  • Pinch of cumin

Combine the undrained Ro*Tel, Velveeta, and spices in a medium saucepan. Cook over medium heat about 5-6 minutes or until Velveeta is melted completely and the mixture is blended. Pour into a bowl and serve to your drunk guests with lots of chippppsss.


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