Chris Soules, former Bachelor and current jailbait, could very well be rivaling Dean for the title of the Biggest Fuckboy of the Bachelor franchise. As we all know, Soules allegedly caused the death of a man in Iowa after driving under the influence and rear-ending the man’s tractor. Soules reportedly called 911 and reported the accident and even spoke with first responders on the scene. So by all accounts, it would seem that he is guilty and he should do time for (allegedly) killing someone. So is Soules going to accept the consequences of driving drunk? NO! The farmer Bachelor is reportedly trying to evade the charges in probably the most fuckboyish way possible: His lawyers are trying to argue that the law he allegedly violated is unconstitutional.
I think I speak for all of us when I say:
Don’t even try to fight me on this, commenters. Only a white male would be like “Yeah I very blatantly broke the law, so since clearly society and all my role models have constantly reinforced that since I can never be the problem, the problem must be… the law itself!” This is truly so ridiculous and, at the same time, so typical that I might just pass out from rage. But let’s get into a little bit of detail, shall we? Grab your cholesterol medication and your friend from law school, because I’m diving as deep as my Law & Order: SVU education can take me.
So, Chris Soules was not arrested for murder or like, vehicular manslaughter—but rather, he was charged with leaving the scene of an accident resulting in death. AKA a hit-and-run. So now his lawyer is reportedly arguing that being required to stay on the scene of an accident violates Soules’ 5th Amendment rights against self-incrimination. The law in question reads, “After leaving the scene of the accident, a surviving driver . . . shall immediately return to the scene of the accident or inform the law enforcement authorities where the surviving driver can be located.” Again, I am not a lawyer, but this is interesting. For one, Soules’ attorney is reportedly claiming that by calling 911, Soules fulfilled the basic requirement and didn’t actually break this law. But on top of that, they’re basically saying that the fact that the person who causes the crash is required to stay behind and alert the authorities forces that person by default to incriminate themselves, which violates their Fifth Amendment rights.
In other OTHER words, Chris knows he can’t get out of this with a not guilty plea, so instead of accepting the consequences of his actions which, one more time for the people in back, TOOK SOMEONE’S LIFE, he’s going to play legal gymnastics to find a loophole. Because instead of just doing the right thing and/or being a damn adult, the better thing to do is try to set a dangerous precedent that causing a hit-and-run is constitutional. Cool. Thanks, Chris. Thanks a whole lot.