Chris Pratt Is Already Losing It After Splitting From Anna Faris

It’s still only August, but it seems like celebrities are scrambling to make sure they’re on Santa’s nice list this year. We already saw Justin Bieber ditch his world tour to be closer to Jesus, and now Chris Pratt is also talking about religion like the world is ending tomorrow.

Chris’ separation with Anna Faris is obviously the most important news story so far this month, and we really wondered how each of them would do in the aftermath. Chris made his first public appearance Sunday at the Teen Choice Awards, where he won the prestigious “Choice Sci-Fi Movie Actor” award. A moment of silence for the bleakest sentence eever uttered into existence. In his acceptance speech, Chris decided to keep it real:

“When I came to Los Angeles, I came from Hawaii and I had all of this blonde hair and I was tan and I met an agent because I really wanted to be an actor and get an agent and he said, ‘Wow. Bro, you must surf?’ And I said ‘Yeah,’ and that was the first of many lies I told to get where I am today.”

He then continued, “I would not be here with the ease and grace I have in my heart without my lord and savior, Jesus Christ.”


Okay, that is truly a whirlwind of a story. First of all, we cannot imagine Chris with blonde hair, and we refuse to try. And wow, he must feel like such a piece of shit for lying about something as massive as being a surfer. Tbh if that’s what keeps him up at night he sounds like the least fun person on the planet.

He obviously feels strongly about Jesus right now, which I guess kind of makes sense when your seemingly perfect marriage disintegrates. The only problem is that we don’t usually take religious advice from someone holding an award that’s shaped like a surf board. Correction, we don’t take religious advice from anyone, but the surf board isn’t helping.