Chocolate Cake: Made With Alcohol And Love

It’s like, the rules of feminism that you love chocolate. Although we will do everything in our power to make sure our collarbones are perfectly accentuated in every photo and our skinny arms are flawless, sometimes a betch needs to sit back, relax and (secretly) indulge. I mean, if anyone asks, all you had for dinner was lettuce and vodka.

Courtesy of a cool mom, this recipe for chocolate cake makes use of alcohol and sugar – two of the most important food groups and shit that every betch should have on hand. It looks really impressive, too, since you’ll need a bundt pan and a shit-ton of confectioners’ sugar to execute.

For the cake: 

  • 1 box Duncan Hines Devil’s Food cake mix
  • 4 eggs
  • 1 cup sour cream (you can substitute plain low-fat yogurt, skinny betch)
  • ½ cup water
  • ¼  cup Kahlua (yasssss)
  • ¼ cup vegetable oil
  • 1 small box instant chocolate pudding
  • 12 oz. bag chocolate chips

For the glaaaaaaaaze

  • 1 cup confectioner’s sugar
  • 2 tbsp coffee (brew it strong, betches)
  • 5 tbsp Kahlua
  • 2 tsp vodka

Mix all ingredients except chocolate chips together at medium speed until well blended. Fold in chocolate chips. Pour into a well-greased and floured bundt pan. This is IMPORTANT or else the cake will totally stick and you’ll look like you need help/are too povo to afford the right baking equipment.

Bake at 350 for 50-60 minutes or until toothpick inserted toward center comes out clean.

Now comes the fun alcoholic part. You’re going to cool the cake upright in the bundt pan (the way it came out of the fucking oven) for a TOTAL of 20 minutes.

Five minutes into this 20 minute period, you need to poke holes in the cake and pour half of your vodka glaaaaaaze. Then, homegirl needs to wait AT LEAST 15 more minutes before inverting the cake (that means turning upside down) on to a cooling rack with a plate underneath. This is because the cake will drip a teeeeeny bit.

Pour the remaining glaze over the cake, preferably in an artistic and beautiful pattern – not like your 3-yr-old nephew did it. Ugh children. Anyway, once the cake is completely cool (like, overnight), you can dust it all over with confectioners’ sugar. Jambo and welcome to baking, betch.


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