Avocados Are Only For Rich People Now & Other Important Business News

Happy Thursday, Betches! Here’s your important business news for the week.

Your Juice Cleanse might not make you that healthy

Despite how betches like to think we’re elite by carrying around $9 salads-in-a-bottle, there’s no denying that juicing has gone mainstream. Juice cleansing is now part of a multi million-dollar industry with a good amount of celebrity endorsers touting its benefits.  But as you chug that bottle of green juice is it possible you’re just falling for a sales gimmick?

Recently, the Wall Street Journal took a look at why many doctors and nutritionists are skeptical of the claims made by juice companies. For instance, most juice cleanses claim to rid the body of toxins, but as one of the Mayo Clinic specialist put it, “No one has ever been able to tell me what these toxins are.” God, science is sooo annoying. Do they really need to take another thing away that makes us think we’re healthy? What’s next? Kombucha? Coconut water?  Whatever, if we really wanted to detoxify our bodies we’d stop chugging Diet Coke all day and maybe lay off the prescription pills. Read article>>

“You know guac is extra, right?” Global warming impacts Chipotle

So Chipotle uses, like, A LOT of avocados…something like 97,000 pounds a day. That might all stop if global warming continues. Chipotle’s avocados are grown in California where there they have been experiencing a severe drought in recent weeks. In their annual report, Chipotle stated that if volatile weather patterns continue, they “may choose to temporarily suspend” items such as guacamole and some salsas.

It’s hilarious that this is what’s making us focus on global warming. The environment and preserving the earth were not enough to get America’s attention, but no guacamole? Fuck no! Let’s make a change. Sorry, Al Gore, but we definitely fell asleep during your documentary. Read article>>

Yahoo hates your gmail account

In an effort to re-vamp Yahoo, the company will no longer allow you to access some of their services using Facebook or Gmail logins. Users will, instead, have to create Yahoo IDs  Once the leader in online advertising, Yahoo has since fallen behind companies like Facebook and Google in recent years. This decision will help them gather more user data while, at the same time, blocking that information from their competitors.  This is a pretty smart move if you think about it.  Plus, I don’t think Zuckerberg needs any more info on us than he already has. Some of those Facebook ads are, like, creepy specific… Read article>>

What the fuck is Tesla Motors?

The word around town (or like, Wall Street) is that Tesla Motors is the next big thing. Besides making batteries for their cars, the company might be close to figuring out how to store energy cheaply.  This makes Tesla a pretty hot stock right now and a potential game changer if they’re able to live up to the hype.  See, betches, they can help us be, like, really environmental! Priuses are so 2009 anyway… Read article>>

That’s it, betches. Enjoy your afternoon. And maybe buy some stock in Tesla, or like, have your dad buy it for you.


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