Champagne Shortage Confirms The World Is Actually Ending

A few months ago, Italian winemakers announced that they’re probs gonna run out of prosecco at some point because we’re all a bunch of basic Lamarca-drinking betches and they can’t keep up. That fucking sucks because prosecco is delicious, but at least we still have Champagne, right? NOPE. Now, the wine world is saying there’s a champs shortage too. How tf am I supposed to make a mimosa?

Unlike the prosecco problem, the lack of Champagne isn’t because we’re all alcoholics. It has something to do with a late spring frost and a bunch of other shitty weather things I don’t understand that fucked up the grapes so there are less than normal. Are you kidding me rn? I’m not trying to live on a planet without prosecco OR Champagne. That shit just won’t fly. I mean what’s next? Sav b? Vodka? Who fucking knows at this point… All I know is they better figure this shit out before rosé season ends or we’re all screwed.

Big Ang


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