Can Summer Be Saved? Weekly Horoscopes May 25-29

This week Mercury moves into Cancer until August 4th, which will bring a dreamy, introspective vibe to whatever the f*ck summer 2020 is going to be. Yes, there will probably be a few disappointments as COVID continues to cancel literally everything fun, but with Mercury in Cancer you’ll at least have the self-awareness to understand exactly why not being able to get blackout drunk at your BFF’s aunt’s Hamptons house is causing you so much pain. Though that one is kind of self-explanatory…


Mercury in Cancer means private time for Aries. This might be a great week for a social media detox, as you’ll be feeling in the mood to go off the grid a little bit. Not saying to go completely AWOL and end up as a missing persons report, but it never hurts to limit your scroll time. And just imagine how much better your life will be not knowing every detail of Meaghan from middle school’s bread baking journey.


Bust out the journal! Mercury is in Cancer and that means you’re going to be feeling the deep, introspective vibes. Now is a great time to take a good, hard look at yourself, and put some thoughts down on the page. Who knows? You might end up writing something amazing and this could be step one toward becoming the quarantined Carrie Bradshaw. You just couldn’t help but wonder…


With your ruling planet in Cancer, now is the time for some serious money moves. Chances are your finances have been in some way impacted by the events of the last few months and now is the time to make a levelheaded assessment of your financial future. Even if that just means deciding to save your stimulus check over trying botox for the first time.


With Mercury in your sign, you’re going to find it way easier to express yourself. (Except when it goes into retrograde—but we’ll talk about that later.) Your IG captions are on point, your TikToks are next level, and your tweets are getting all of the RTs. Oh, and you’re communicating better with your friends, family, and loved ones. If that kind of thing matters to you…


Mercury is making you focus on yourself, and I know you’re probably thinking, “and that’s different how?” This is not a superficial, “why didn’t my post get more likes?” type of a self-obsession. This is true introspection. You’ll be going deep and finding out some real truths about yourself and growing from them. Like finally admitting you’ll never be a morning person so you can stop torturing yourself with that 5:30am alarm.


Getting frustrated with the current *ahem* situation? Do something about it! Mercury in Cancer has activated your inner Leslie Knope, so pick a cause that is meaningful to you and spend some time over the next few months working to get it done. That pit in your neighborhood won’t become a park by itself!


Networking, networking, networking! Mercury in Cancer will be all about expanding your professional connections, so time to start thinking about how to do that while most companies are WFH through summer. Virtual meetups, “pick your brain” emails, and yes, connecting with someone on LinkedIn are all ways you can connect with others in your field while following CDC guidelines. It might seem corny, but sometimes you’ve got to be corny to get ahead. Look at Lin-Manuel Miranda!


You’re not ready to give up on summer 2020 just yet, and Mercury in Cancer is helping you think outside the box on how you can salvage the #summervibes. Sure, your plans to hit up Burning Man are as canceled as Woody Allen, but is there a socially distant vacation available to you? Look out for places you can go to recharge as restrictions life, either solo or with your quarantine buddy. Festivals will be back next year (I hope).


Not to go all 2006 on you, but Mercury in Cancer is bringing sexy back in a major way. You’re feeling the flirty summer vibes even if summer 2020 isn’t quite what you expected. Single Sags should take this opportunity to dive back into the dating pool if their love life has been on pause. Those who are in a relationship should try to reignite the sexy energy, even if you’ve been farting on each other in sweatpants for the past sixty days.


Mercury in Cancer has turned you into a social(ly distant) butterfly, so let the Zoom Quiplash sessions roll in! If you’re allowed to gather in small groups in your area, assemble the quarantine pod for a hang at whoever’s place has a backyard big enough to stand six feet apart. If your city isn’t there yet (hi, New York), you’ll have to stick with FaceTime for a little bit longer. But on the bright side, at least you can mute yourself when you want to sh*t talk Rachel!


With Mercury in Cancer, you’re looking to revitalize your routines. And by “revitalize” them we mean “have them at all.” You like to be free-spirited, but that may have veered a little into the “depressed funk” territory in quarantine! No more! This week, commit yourself to a few simple tasks a day that will make you feel good, like eating breakfast, waking up 30 minutes early, or not staring at a screen for three hours before bed.


Imagination and creativity are the name of the game for Pisces when Mercury is in Cancer, so pick a creative project and get to it! Now is the time to finally paint that bedroom wall, sew that throw pillow, or even just try a slightly more adventurous makeup tutorial. Sure, you may end up looking like a clown and getting roasted by your roommate, but what the narrow-minded plebs don’t understand is that being a clown is just part of your artistic process. Get with it.

Images: Giphy (12)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.