I've been having a rough time deciphering where I stand with guy I've been seeing. Go figure. We hung out for a month and a half; he took me to nice dinners, acted affectionate in public, introduced me to his friends, met my friends, told his family about me, and showed genuine interest in my life.
About 1.5 months in, I asked where we stood, and pardon my assumption but I thought it was obvious. We had both expressed wanting something serious. However, he instead said he wasn't sure if things would work out because he was in a “flux” state at work. I mean, we're all busy… So I understood, but again, we're all busy, so get over it.
Anyways, I probed. He had started a new, busy job, so what could he mean? And he said he might be quitting if it doesn't slow down and then be off to find a new job home in New York. Wait, what I thought? He had totally expressed his excitement for this job and wanted to start his own thing eventually.
I was confused to say the least. We had left it at that, but then he later apologized and said he still wanted to hang out and be friends. We got coffee later, talked, etc and it was nice.
Okay so call me crazy but I totally wanted to jump his bones on this date. I tried, and he nearly turned me down. Granted, nearly. I wasn't trying to send a message, I was just horny- it happens.
But shit, where does that leave us? Yes, serious sounds great, but if I can't find that, and am okay with what happened, is there harm?
Horny and confused
Dear deluded & confused,
Welp, since you insist I call you crazy, I’m going to call you crazy. Let me break it down for you.
1) If you have to ask where you stand with a guy, it’s never good so you started out with an L from the get-go. If a guy wants to be serious with you, he will make it happen. You can’t really take anything someone with a penis says at face-value since bros will talk whatever shit they have to talk to keep you around. Him saying he wants something serious doesn’t mean shit until he pulls the trigger and puts a ring (or a title) on it. Just something to keep in mind for your future endeavors.
2) I think it’s pretty fucking obvious where you stand with this bro. He was happy to have someone to hang out with and bang, and didn’t mind throwing some $$$’s on that bitch (take you on dates). You tried to DTR and he balked because in his mind, he was already getting what he wanted without a pesky label, so why fix it if it ain’t broken? Now that he knows you actively want to get wifed, things can’t continue down Casual Lane anymore. Since he’s not in the cuffing mood, things have to end, so he’s pulling away. Maybe this dude actually has a conscience.
3) People start jobs that they end up hating all the time, I don’t see what’s so hard to understand about this concept.
4) This all pretty much leaves you in booty call territory, at best. How do you “nearly” get turned down? Was it a pity-fuck? Either way, I’m cringing for you. “Be friends” with this guy? How delusional are you? I sincerely recommending aborting this mission to save what little face there’s left to save, but I have a feeling you’re going to keep fucking this bro anyway.
Don’t say I didn’t warn you,
Got a question so ridiculous only the Betches will understand? Email us at DearBetch@betcheslovethis.com and we just might help you with your delusional relationship.