Bust Out the To-Do List, It’s Virgo Season: Weekly Horoscopes August 24-28

Let’s be honest: the world kind of needs Virgo season right now. Sh*t is a mess, and it’s time to clean it up. Sure, the pressure is on to save democracy/humanity/the planet/the children, but Virgos thrive under pressure. Be precise. Be clear about what you want. And know the little things go a long way… especially when it comes to alcohol consumption.


It may seem like you’re jumping through hoops at work this month, but stick with it, Aries. All that bullsh*t you keep complaining about to your work wife on Slack could actually be a big opportunity in disguise. Sometimes it’s the most annoying tasks that end up the most fruitful (like actually responding to emails).


Virgo is letting you express yourself with clarity this month, Taurus, so what do you want to say? The fears you’ve had in the past about rocking the boat are gone, and the filter is off. You’re saying what’s on your mind and letting other people deal with the consequences. Hey, it works for the President!


It’s nose to the grindstone, get sh*t done time, Gemini! You’ve got no time for nonsense, and no time for drama. This month you will be putting in the work, no matter how boring or uneventful it feels in the moment. Leave the reality TV shenanigans for the Real Housewives. You’ve got sh*t to do.


You’ve got a monster workload coming your way, Cancer, but don’t freak out! Virgo is here to help you tackle it all and still miraculously find time to meal prep. Don’t let yourself get stressed. Take pride in the busy schedule and early mornings. Just don’t forget to leave time to sit down with a glass of wine and a true crime series at the end of the day.


Your signature Leo pride is taking a back seat for the next few weeks. (Not that you won’t still think you’re fabulous.) Your challenge: leaning into your love of helping others… without Instagramming about it. Helping is still helping even if it doesn’t make it to the feed. As Cher Horowitz once said, “‘Tis a far, far better thing doing stuff for other people…”


Welcome to your season, Virgo! You may not show it, but I can tell you’re marginally enthused. And you’re definitely more than a little excited for everyone around you to get their sh*t together for once. Trust that the work you’ve been putting in all year will come to fruition, and when in doubt, look to the queen of all Virgos: Beyoncé.


This month you’ll be putting your diplomacy skills to work, whether it be by mediating a heated political discussion in the family group chat, or by deescalating some coworker drama in the company Slack. People will be looking to you to make sure cooler heads prevail. Try to enjoy your role as mediator and don’t think too much about how Andy Cohen actually gets paid to do the same thing.


Time to shake things up, Scorpio! Virgo has you wanting to take risks in your social and professional lives, so get to risk-taking! People will either be impressed by your moxie, or chalk it all up to COVID-related enthusiasm. Either way, it makes for a good story.


Don’t lose sight of your creative pursuits this month, Sagittarius, even if Virgo season has you feeling pulled toward more “practical” pursuits. There are enough hours in the day for you to finish your meetings, answer your emails, and polish off a bottle of wine while making a serious dent in your adult coloring book. You can have it all!


Time to re-do that vision board, Capricorn! The world is different, and so are you. Virgo season is giving you the clarity you need to see a new path for yourself, even if it veers in a completely different direction than where you were headed before. You’re definitely not the only person who watched Selling Sunset and is now contemplating getting a real estate license.


You might be faced with some challenges in your relationships this month, Aquarius. The key to getting through it is to be clear and direct, even when it’s awkward. Luckily, Virgo can help with that. Be up front with how you feel, no matter how unpleasant it may be in the moment to tell your roommate she’s gotta stop leaving hair all over the shower.


Virgo season is asking you to reevaluate your relationships, and guess what, some won’t live up to the scrutiny. In this crazy time, we have all seen more clearly which people have stepped up to the plate and who needs to step out of your life. Now is the time to cut the cord.

Images: Giphy (13)

Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.