Between stoners boosting the economy and people hating on the thigh gap, it’s been a busy week for business news. Look no further than right here for all the important shit you need to know.
TOMS plans to launch a coffee business
Blake Mycoskie, the founder and CEO of TOMS, recently announced that his company will be branching out into the coffee business. TOMS’ success has in large part been due to its charitable “one for one” program. Wearing TOMS doesn’t just say “I have really bad taste in footwear,” it also says “I’m like, a really good person.”
The company plans to implement a similar one for one program within TOMS Roasting Co.: for every cup of coffee sold, someone in a third world country will get clean water for a day. So basically, show up late to work with a TOMS latte and no one will be able to give you shit. I gave water to a povo African, what did you do this morning? Read article>>
Target appreciates the thigh gap
Target’s bad Photoshop skills went viral yesterday. The mistake was first noticed by a blogger and then, because it was fucking hilarious, quickly spread throughout the Internet. Target has since removed the image from its website. We’re just going to assume whoever’s responsible got fired/ now has the most epic internship story of all time.
Haters gonna hate, but you can’t blame Target for wanting their model to look extra skinny. Having a crotch probably added like three pounds anyway. If anything they did the girl a favor. Read article>>
Colorado rakes in the dough from marijuana sales
Colorado made $2 million from marijuana taxes during the month of January. The state’s governor, John Hickenlooper, expects combined sales from both medical and recreational marijuana to reach nearly $1 billion within the next year. In related news, Coloradans find the name “Hickenlooper” hilarious when they’re high. Read article>>
The Polar Vortex fucked with McDonald’s sales
McDonald’s sales fell 1.4 percent last month partly because of harsh winter weather. If anything, this just proves how lazy Americans are. Obesity and heart disease never stopped us from getting Mickie D’s, but snow? Fuck snow, I’m staying inside.
McDonald’s also acknowledged that “challenging industry dynamics” played a role in the drop, as people have started to prefer fast food options like Chipotle for their better quality ingredients and more personalized options. Obvious solution: open up a bunch of McDonalds’ in Colorado. They’re stoned out of their minds so those fuckers will eat ANYTHING. Read article>>
That’s it, betches. Remember, if you’re going to Photoshop, take a lesson from Target and don’t do it on “Paint” circa Windows 95.