The Biggest Fuckboys In Congress Right Now Who Took Huge Donations From The NRA

This article was originally published on October 2, 2017

What is a fuckboy, if not a person who says one thing in public, but then does shit that completely contradicts his previous statements in private? They’re guys who say things like “I could really see myself being with you,” or “I’m not like other guys,” or “My thoughts and prayers are with the victims of gun violence,” one day, but then do shit like ghost you or take thousands of dollars in donations from the NRA the next. Sadly, our government is filled with the latter type of fuckboy (actually probably also the former, but we’re not here to talk about that just yet).The NRA spent $50.2 million on the 2016 election, it is pretty clear that, unlike my Liberal Arts degree, it was an investment well spent. Despite the horrific massacre that took place in Las Vegas on Sunday, Congress is still moving ahead with legislation to make it easier for people to buy silencers. Because it’s not like being able to hear where a gun is being shot from is important and could save lives or anything.

So today I give you the biggest fuckboys in Congress, aka the dudes who have tweeted out condolences after every mass shooting, but still take thousands in donations from the NRA and vehemently oppose common sense gun laws like background checks, that over 90 PERCENT OF AMERICANS support.

Good Lord, our government is depressing.

5. Dean Heller (R-NV-SHADY AF)

You may not have heard of Dean Heller (he’s like, not that famous), but being that he’s the senator from Nevada, he’s relevant for once. Dean Heller obviously has been tweeting his ass off about Las Vegas, but behind he scenes he’s taken over $21k in donations from the NRA. Casual reminder that Dean Heller is up for reelection in 2018.

4. Mitch McConnell (R-KY-DEMON)

You’re probably aware of the ancient, decrepit turtle who is currently in charge of our Senate, but were you aware that he keeps his shell nice and shiny with over $26k in donations from the NRA? In the immortal words of Kim Kardashian:

3. House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI-FUCKBOY)

Remember how I just told you that the House is moving toward legislation that would make it legal for guns to have silencers? Well, guess who’s in charge of The House? You guessed it, House Speaker/Person Who Would Be Hot If He Weren’t So Evil Paul Ryan! Like everyone else, Paul Ryan tweeted out his prayers to the victims in Las Vegas, but unlike everybody else he also has accepted $36k in donations from the NRA.

2. Rep. Pete Sessions (R-TX-DOUCHE)

I normally wouldn’t give a fuck about some random-ass representative from Texas, but Pete Sessions has really taken his fuckboy-ish donation practices to the next level. Sure, he’s tweeting his “deepest sympathies,” but Representative Sessions has taken over $51k in donations from the NRA. That’s the most out of anyone in Texas, and I don’t think I need to tell you that the NRA has donated a fuck ton of money in Texas.

1. Donald J. Trump (PRESIDENT – R – THE WORST)

I mean, you probably could have guessed this one. Despite his “warmest condolences” (feel like we don’t traditionally give warm condolences but whatever…), Trump received nearly $6 million in ad support from the NRA. So yeah we can count on him on this issue about as much as I could count on my ex to remember my birthday.

Depressed yet? Literally same. Unfortunately these are just five of the many, many political fuckboys making it easier for tragedies like the one in Las Vegas to happen again. 44 out of 100 U.S. Senators have taken donations from the NRA, and 249 out of 435 representatives have done the same. Want to figure out how much your representative has taken? Check out this helpful graphic from The Washington Post, and text RESIST to 504-09 for help contacting your reps.

Remember, don’t call your ex. Call your senators.

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Alise Morales
Alise Morales
Alise Morales is a comedy writer and performer. She is the writer of the Betches Sup Newsletter and co-host of the Betches Sup Podcast.