Beyoncé's Wax Figure Is A Crime Against Humanity

If you ever went on a group trip to any major city in middle school, there’s a decent chance you spent an hour or two at Madame Tussauds wax museum. This was in the pre-selfie era, so you probably ended up with a whole lot of grainy camera phone pictures of you posing with Leo DiCaprio and Shakira. Some of the wax figures are more realistic than others, but people are now angry about some, um, questionable Beyoncé lookalikes. Basically, they look nothing like her. In fact, they kind of look like Julia Stiles in Save The Last Dance. Or like, a cross between Ke$ha and Shakira. Or…well, you know what, why don’t you just see for yourself. 

The first one is at Madame Tussauds in Orlando. She wears a blue sequined robber and some knee-high boots that are definitely cheap fake leather, but the outfit isn’t bad overall. I mean, I’ve never seen Beyoncé wear anything like that but sure, maybe. The biggest issue here is the hair. The bleached blonde wavy look is more knockoff-Paris Hilton than Beyoncé, whose hair is almost always flawless.

The face looks Lindsay Lohan got plastic surgery to look like Beyoncé, but ended up just looking like a fucking psycho. Literally, none of the facial features are remotely right, and the skin is way too light. People have accused Madame Tussauds of whitewashing Queen Bey, who, if you didn’t get the note from Formation, is a black woman. This statue, on the other hand, appears to be of a white woman who probably has at least one photo on insta where she refers to her friend group as “ma n-words” to be funny. In response to the criticism, Tussauds claimed that the lighting was just off in the photo. Yeah, sure. When in doubt, blame it on bad lighting. 

The second one is at the Niagara Falls Tussauds, which doesn’t even sound like it should be a thing. This wax figure is wearing a truly tragic satin dress that looks like it’s from an 80s music video, and we truly only know it’s supposed to be Beyoncé because it’s wearing a name tag.

The hair is more accurate in color, but still limp and tired. The face, however, looks like Mariah Carey but if she starved herself and also turned into plastic. The eyebrows are truly terrifying, and the arms are so skinny she probably couldn’t even hold a microphone. Fucking help.

Last but not least is the Madame Tussauds in Hollywood. You’d think this is where they’d put their best work, but this Beyoncé looks like a cross between Fergie and the lady who got plastic surgery to look like a cat. Her pose looks like she’s checking in the mirror to make sure she shaved her armpit, and the orange and pink dress they put her in should be fucking illegal. Someone help this Beyoncé, she’s lost somewhere between the 70s and hell.

We might never know why these wax figures are so incredibly awful, but we’re pissed about it. Like, how dare they? Kylie just got a literally stunning wax figure, so there’s no excuse. Fucking fix it, Madame Tussaud. This is Queen Bey we’re talking about.