We’re still in the middle of Gemini season, meaning that everybody is a little bit more primed to spill tea and start sh*t (thanks Gemini). Combine that with the fact that very extra Jupiter is in retrograde right now, and we’re all in danger of keeping things a little bit too one hundred. Remember, there’s a difference between being “real” and being “a real bitch at this brunch right now.” Try to keep that in mind.
This week is not the week to be “chill,” Aries. It’s time to stick up for yourself! No more “its nbd” when a date cancels on you last minute, no more “no prob!” when a coworker asks you to do sh*t that is 100% their job. And for the love of God, take every last “sorry” out of that email asking for money you were supposed to get weeks ago.
Oww owww Taurus! This is the week to connect with your sexy, sensual self. Tell your boyfriend/girlfriend/hookup/most plausible dating app prospect to clear their schedule because you are in the mood for some sexy time. I highly doubt they’ll have any issue helping you out.
You’ve been working hard as f*ck these past few weeks Gemini, and this week people are going to start to take notice. Practice accepting compliments gracefully, because you’re going to be getting a lot of them! Just don’t forget the rest of us when you parlay those compliments into a corner office.
We’re still struggling with the word “no,” aren’t we Cancer? This week is all about setting boundaries. No, it’s not okay for your boss to text you at 10pm asking to go over some info for tomorrow’s meeting. No, it’s not okay for your roommate to borrow your bodysuit without asking. In fact, it’s not okay for your roommate to borrow your bodysuit ever. That’s like borrowing underwear. Gross.
In need of some rest and relaxation? Yeah, that’s gonna have to wait. This week your life is going to be dialed up to eleven, particularly in the areas of love and romance. Not ready for your love live to be dialed up to eleven right now? Sorry betch, it’s happening. But hopefully you get some good dinners out of the deal?
You’re on the verge of some major career advancements, Virgo, but you know what that means. Jealous bitches. Don’t get pulled down by the haters as you climb the ladder of success. Anyone who can’t enjoy celebrating your new promotion without making some shady comment isn’t somebody worth celebrating with.
You’re feeling a little bit all over the place this week, Libra, so maybe leave the decision making to another day. What seems like a good idea this week (last minute Bahamas weekend with the girls!) might not seem like such a good idea a few weeks from now (when rent is due).
Hold off on any money moves this week, Scopio, because your enthusiasm might be clouding your judgment. Be sure to pay attention to any deals being offered your way, and always always always read the fine print. Sometimes things are on sale for a reason.
Beware of social media this week, Sagittarius. I mean, beware of social media all the time but this week you are in some serious danger of sharing some TMI content. Give yourself a 10 minute buffer period between drafting a tweet and sending, and remember, when in doubt, save it for story. At least then it’ll delete itself after 24 hours.
Pump the motherf*cking brakes, Capricorn. You’re burning the candle at both ends right now and that sh*t is bound to catch up with you. Tell the voice in your head that is constantly urging you to take on more work to stfu for a week, and let the voice in your head that is constantly urging you to binge watch The Office take over. You won’t regret it.
Your penchant for unfiltered commentary might get you into some trouble this week, Aquarius. Not everything that comes through your mind needs to be shared with the world, and the less you say at boozy brunch, the better. Sure, Hannah is asking for your opinion on her new bf, but does she actually want it? The answer is a hard no.
How are those New Years resolutions, Pisces? Do you even remember what they were? This is a good week to re-focus your goals. This means celebrating the ones you’ve achieved, making a plan for the ones you haven’t, and saying bye-bye to the ones that don’t actually serve you. I see a vision board in your future.
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