Your Betchy Guide To Cuffing Season

It’s, like, practically officially winter and the cold weather/inability to make yourself go out in the cold weather is a sure sign it’s cuffing season.

If you don’t know what cuffing season is, who even are you? OK, but for those that don’t honestly know, explains the term:

During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be ‘Cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.

And if that’s a good enough definition for the site that explains all those weird/fake sex move names, it’s good enough for me. (Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.)

If you have a lot of follow up questions about cuffing season, never fear. Betches are here to explain it to you.

When do I need to cuff?

First of all, you need to make sure you actually want to lock it down with just one person. If you have a full rotation of dudes in your life and you’re content, you might not want to give up your personal freedoms for a full-time cuddle buddy applicant. In that case, skip cuffing season and keep doing you. If you’re actually kind of interested in losing your totally single status and want someone to buy you a Christmas present, you should have had your main squeeze lined up, like, prior to Thanksgiving. If you’re late to the game, just get on it now so that you have someone to kiss on New Year’s Eve.

What are the risks?

Getting cuffed up is kind of a responsibility, so while it’s nice to have someone to introduce to your family over the holidays, you can’t back out of the deal mid-cuffing season. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you break up with someone during the holidays, you go to hell. Those are the rules. So if you’re on the fence about dating this person, just wait it out until the spring. (You totes don’t want to go to hell because, as the Chanels explain on Scream Queens, “there aren’t even dinosaurs in hell anymore; Jesus broke in and stole them.“) Cuffing season lasts until Valentine’s Day, at least. Be prepared to channel your inner Project Runway designer and “Make it work” until then.

What are the rewards?

Obviously the biggest reward here is that you don’t come off as eternally single and pathetic during the holiday season. You get someone to put your freezing cold feet on at night; cuddles are nice. There’s also a chance your new relationship results in some sweet presents. Plus, you don’t have to be creepy and desperate about making epic New Year’s plans because we all know it doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you have someone to kiss at midnight.

And there you have it. Happy cuffing, betches! 


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