Ohio is that Midwest state that's kind of just…there. Like, you've never been there but your crazy Uncle Carl moved there with his third wife. Or maybe one time you drove through it on your existential “what am I doing with my life” post-college road trip. Or perhaps you are just a huge Cleveland Cavaliers fan living in North Dakota, who the fuck knows.
But anyway, there's Ohio. And then there's the Ohio State football team, which gives us a reason to all care about Ohio.
Love them or hate them, the Buckeyes are on top again in 2015 after winning the national championship last season. And betches love winners.
Let's start with the head coach, Urban Meyer. Kind of a DILF, tbh. Which is funny, because rumor on the mean streets of Columbus, Ohio, is that Meyer left his last job for fucking a 23-year-old intern.
Urban used to be the head coach of the University of Florida football team, and basically recruited anyone with a criminal background and a propensity for tackling the shit out of people. (Remember Aaron Hernandez? The murderer? Yeah, Urban Meyer coached him.)
But now he's in Ohio winning national championships. The guy obviously is good at his job, and the betches can respect the entertainment value that comes from a loose moral campus.
Plus, Urban Meyer coaches guys like Cardale Jones, the gun-slinging quarterback and former betchy athlete of the week.
Jones has a great Twitter game. Like this tweet, for example.
And all of these:
It's fucking pure genius.
The Ohio State Buckeyes are entering the 2015 season ranked No. 1 overall. And we'll be cheering for them all season.