The Betches’ Guide To Post Grad Life

It’s here: the day we’ve all been dreading. Well, we as in, all the betches currently living amazing lives having as little responsibility as possible and blacking out every single night; not we as in, your poor parents who’ve been footing the quarter-of-a-million-dollar bill for you to be doing the said blacking out #sorrynotsorry. Anyway, it’s time to graduate, betches, and that means your sweet dreams are about to be invaded by a very cruel nightmare that “adults” seem to call “reality.” Sad face. Much like I do, you obviously need advice on how to cope, so I’ll pass on the wise words that were said to me not too long ago (by my weed guy, but he’s like 30, so that counts right?).

Get A Job

This one seems obvious, right? However, it’s the most important tip. You’ve graduated college. That’s a major fucking milestone. Considering you’re probably about to move in with your parents again because not only are you unemployed, but you’re also broke (sucks to suck doesn’t it?), the last thing you’re going to want them doing is nagging you every single day about a. applying for jobs and b. why you don’t already have one because their friend Tracey’s kids had one before they even graduated, and why can’t you be more like them? Yawn.

Revamp Your Wardrobe

Personally, for graduation I asked for a new wardrobe, because I consistently look in my closet full of clothes with tags on them and hate everything I own. But not everyone’s as smart and forward-thinking as I am *hair flip.* But, for real, once you nail that interview (what? Like it’s hard?) and finally get a job, you’re going to need some work-appropriate clothing. Your sorority tank tops and workout pants probably won’t cut it for the cubicle you’re about to call home.

Learn How to Budget

This literally is the worst part of adulting. Chances are spending $200 at Sephora on Dad’s credit card will stop being okay once a paycheck is being directly deposited into your account. Obviously spending your own money isn’t half as much fun as spending his, so considering growing up isn’t fun anyway, start being boring by learning how to budget.

Essentially, post grad is just doing what you’re told until one day you don’t need to be told anymore and someone’s paying you to do things you don’t want to do, instead of you having to pay a tuition to do things you don’t want to do. Did you get that? Good. All of these steps are things you’ve heard before (and things I’ve heard every single day for the past 3 months—thanks, mom!) so I’m sure you’ll be fine. If not, there’s always happy hour.