How To Be A Betch On A Budget

DON’T BE EASY. DON’T BE POOR. DON’T BE UGLY, those’re just, like, the rules of feminism. But what happens when your dad finally cuts you off or, like, you lose your job in PR or whatever?  Well betch, that’s when it’s time to learn how to fucking budget. When you’ve been living your whole life with a black AmEx and manipulating your parents into buying you your third Chanel bag, it can be hard to learn how to cut back, but never fear, we’ll show you how it’s done.



When you live on your own (or with roommates, whatever) you need to learn to prioritize what’s most important over what can be considered a luxury.  Rent, groceries, and transportation should be at the top of the list.  These things should always be taken care of first.  If you don’t pay rent you’ll end up on the street, or, even worse, living back home with your parents who are now super disappointed in you and probably, even, like, a little embarrassed TBH. Groceries are things like water and actual food, toiletries, and shit for your apartment. I’m not talking decorations here. I mean, like, Command Strips and duct tape. Necessities. As far as transportation goes that should be a no brainer. You need to get to work so you can get a job with a higher salary someday. Stop taking a cab everywhere you go or even Uber for that matter. Those things are okay for the occasional trip, but for work, learn how to use whatever public transportation your city offers. For New York betches, that’s the subway; don’t worry, there’s an app for that. Or, fucking walk. We could all stand to lose 3 pounds anyway.

Going Out


With the rest of your money, try these tricks for consolidating some funds.  No one’s telling you that budgeting means you should sit home every Friday night like some nicegirl and learn how to knit. There are ways to leave your house without spending everything in your bank account. Find an activity to do with your friends that you can all split the cost of, the more people the cheaper it is. Invite your friends over for a night and party inside, tell them if you supply the place they need to supply the alcohol. There are ways to compromise without compromising how much fun you’re having. Go to a bar even. Just don’t fucking buy every round for everyone in the bar like you’re the mayor of the city. Find one without a cover or get drunk at the pregame and you’ll spend less money at the bar.  When it comes to eating out, less is more.  As much as we all love it, that shit’s expensive and when you’re trying to save, it’s one of the things that needs to be streamlined.  Try to cut back to once or twice a week. It’ll be good for your wallet and your waistline.

Expensive Habits


No one needs $100 face cleanser. Fucking go to the drugstore and find shit that’ll be good for your skin but costs $5 instead. There you go. You just saved $95 that can be spent in other parts of your life that’re more important. You can do this with pretty much all of your products. 

For every high end item, there’s an equal counterpart for way less money at CVS.  As much as I love my SUGAR lip balm, spending twenty bucks for chapstick every time I need a new one (because those fuckers disappear like they get paid for it) just isn’t plausible. Blistex makes the same crap for, like, $1. 

Also consider when you’re shopping if you’re buying multiples of things. As much as clothes are necessary, you don’t need four pairs of the same $800 shoes or fifteen black cardigans. One pair of nice heels is enough, no one will notice if you wear them for work all the time and you should probably get rid of those cardigans just because they’re fugly.  Take a look in your closet for things you don’t wear anymore and sell them on apps like Poshmark and Wallapop.  Look, those cardigans just made you an extra $20 or so that you can invest in a different kind of black sweater. You’re welcome. 


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