It doesn’t matter if you’re super classy or a Real Housewife, there is something we can all agree on: getting old sucks. The thing is, you don’t even have to do it. Okay, that’s a total lie, sorry not sorry. You have to get old or else you die young, and while that means you get to be pretty forever, that is generally a worse alternative. Unless you have student loan debt.
But if you have to get old, you might as well do your best to preserve yourself as much as possible, so while you actually are ancient, you still look amazing and still get carded. However, skin care is not a one-size-fits-all thing, and what works for some doesn’t work for all. Hopefully these products will keep you looking so fresh that you don’t need to have so much Botox that your face doesn’t move and you look like the cast of Jersey Shore. Here is what anti-aging product to use based on your skin type.
Dry skin people, you are so fucked. I’m sorry. Dry skin is the most likely to age poorly due to the lack of oil in your skin. You have the least amount of elasticity, so when you frown or make any faces at all—like the grimace you’re doing reading this right now—your face is likely to crease and stay that way forever. Is that dramatic? Probably. BUT I’m not sure if you’re aware, I’m not a fucking doctor, so like, this is what happens when you take advice from the internet. Anyway. To prevent aging and wrinkles, you need to load up on moisturizing your Sahara Desert face so that you preserve that elasticity and movement. Try something heavily moisturizing, like Estée Lauder Advanced Night Repair. Yes, it’s expensive af. But it’s a serum that is a holy grail product people swear by. It will revitalize your skin and smooth out your cracked, peeling face; uneven tone; and any fine lines you already have.
Hi, my oily friends. I also have oily skin. It sucked my entire life. I had regular acne, body acne, cystic acne, adult acne, and I have maybe one thousand unusable photos because my shiny forehead blinded out the rest of my face once the flash hit it. But guess what? We WIN anti-aging. Yes. Hahahaha, you old-ass motherfuckers. Oily skin is the least likely to age because our nasty-ass facial fluids keep our skin from overly stretching out. It’s like science, or something. That said, we still need anti-aging products, but since we def don’t need to add MORE FUCKING OIL to this disaster, we need something that won’t dry us out (because then our faces will riot by producing even more oil), won’t trigger our acne (does every oily skinned person have adult acne or did I just hit the worst genetic lottery ever?), and will keep those wrinkles from ever coming. The secret to wrinkle prevention with oily skin is constantly shedding skin buildup by using a retinol cream. This keeps our oils evenly distributed so we get optimal skin flexibility, and it prevents acne. Also? Insider tip? If you have health insurance, it’s probably cheaper to get a retinol cream from a dermatologist and it’s even stronger.
If you have combination skin, it means you’re oily in some places and dry in others. Unfortunately for you, this means you may have to use different products for different parts of your face. Sucks. Most combo skin means you’re oily in the t-zone, which means forehead, nose, chin, and cheeks. For these spots, especially if you have acne, use a retinol cream (like the one above) to keep that oil distributed. It also means, though, that really delicate skin areas, like your eyes and lips, are dry and these are the worst spots for wrinkles to pop up. So either stop talking so much and stop, idk, blinking, I guess, or get a heavy eye cream to shove some moisture in those areas. Use it around your mouth too, because we all know what it looks like when people have Grandma lips.
You poor sensitive babies are also prone to dryness, so you need something that will keep you from getting wrinkles, but also mild enough that it doesn’t cause your skin to rebel against you and break out in a rash, peel, or otherwise ruin your life. Your safest bet for minimal irritation (assuming you aren’t generally acne prone) is to use an oil. It calms redness, burning, and itching that is really prevalent in sensitive skin, while smoothing out lines and rough patches. If only it also worked on the rough patches in my life. ALSO! This product has our anti-aging Lord and Savior, Retinol!
What the fuck is normal skin? Apparently this is an actual skin type. Which I find offensive because my greasy pizza face is perfectly normal, thank you very much. But apparently, apparently, there are some assholes out there who have pH-balanced skin that isn’t dry, isn’t oily, isn’t sensitive, and doesn’t have acne, pores, or imperfections. Sounds fake, but k. Also, go fuck yourself. If you have perfect skin and you’re reading this article just to fuck with me, you can go use anything and I’m assuming you’ll be perfect no matter what because my life isn’t fair. I’d personally go with the one with the prettiest bottle, which is the one above. Or, if you’re worried an oil may cause your perfect skin to break out, you can use a very generalized anti-aging moisturizer that won’t make your skin too oily or dry it out. The secret for you is to keep your normal oil levels steady as you get older, like with this moisturizer from Belif.
Sidenote: all of you, put SPF on your hands. Seriously, the biggest giveaway to someone being old is their hand skin. No one thinks to protect them from the sun until it’s too late, and I don’t think they do hand Botox. You’re welcome.
Edit: Oh, fuck, they actually do hand Botox.
Images: Shutterstock; Giphy (2), Sephora (5)
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