The Grammys is like the crazy, alcoholic aunt of award shows, and every year the fashion seems to get more fucking insane as celebrities continue to lose their goddamn minds. In case you didn’t get a chance to judge a bunch of millionaires on their poor taste in clothing, I’m going to go ahead and do it for you. You’re welcome.
THE GOOD
Rihanna
Rihanna’s wardrobe is a fucking mystery, man. Sometimes she wears clothes she literally ripped off a homeless person and other times she is a goddamn icon. There is no in between. This year Rihanna decided to have Halloween just fuckin’ vomit on her and it kind of looks, idk, good?
Tori Kelly
Tori Kelly is the nice girl next door who sings about Jesus and Africa and all the little birdies and the monkeys, right? Whatever. She looks like a tree, but like, a sexy tree. Normally anyone who wears ruffles is immediately put on my hit list, but ya did good kid.
Demi Lovato
I remember my first hair extension. Demi looks like she cut up a hammock and just wrapped it around her body. Bold strategy, Cotton.
Lady Gaga
Yeah, fuck it. I put her on here. I was sick of the classy shit she was doing anyways. Sure, her jacket looks like a sea anemone and her bottom half screams daddy issues, but the hair and glasses are giving me life.
THE BAD
Katy Perry
Who wore it better?
Lea Michele
Her makeup look is “very hungover, borderlining on dead.” Someone should tell Lea your makeup isn’t supposed to match your career.
Halsey
HALSEY: Tell me why she looks like a young Hugh Hefner? You couldn’t fucking steal a shirt to go with the mattress you stole from your roommate back in Boulder?
Camilla Cabello
I feel like Camilla looks like the mean girl in any Disney Channel movie who is like, going to be prom queen at the Mormon dance. If this isn’t already a movie, I call copyright right the fuck now.
Daya
Cool dress Daya, what’s it made of? Your grandma’s lampshade!
Solange
When they say “dress for success,” I don’t think they mean “dress up like the award you hope to win.”
THE BATSHIT
Cee Lo Green
Damn, that’s the biggest Ferrero Rocher chocolate I have ever seen. After this show he’s going to go terrorize a city in a low-grade Marvel film.
Whoever The Fuck Joy Villa Is
Winner of the very prestigious PR Stunt of the Year Award. This is by far Ivanka’s best dress in her collection. You can get it for $3.00 at your local Marshall’s.
Girl Crush
Lookin’ like a kid’s birthday party Barbie. Who are these people?? *gets invite to first Grammy* BALLS, I WANT BALLS ALL OVER ME.
Jacqueline Van Bierk
So clearly the fashion theme of The Grammys this year was “the more irrelevant you are, the more heinous your outfit has to be.” I get that CD’s are obsolete, but you could have done something a little more productive with them than stick them on a dress with a bunch of googly eyes. Somewhere out there, a Michael’s is missing half its scrapbooking aisle.
