Y’all already know what it is. Betchson! That’s right, I have essentially replaced my formal introductions with rapper ad-libs. I’m still working on my tagline because Chance took “igh” and Travis Scott has cornered the market on “straight up!”, but I’ll be sure to get it down by my next article. Anyway, I know you guys aren’t stupid. Or maybe you are, but I presume you’re not illiterate. So I’ll just get right into it and kindly let you all know that Bella Thorne got a new tattoo—in fact, she got two new tattoos that she showed off on Instagram. She already has a starburst around her elbow, a heart on her collarbone, and the number 93 on her forearm. But a few days ago she added two new tats, and they’re… well, they’re something. Also I’d like to apologize in advance for not catching this sooner; I was so busy staying in tune to what Ariel Winter was doing (nothing of note ATM) that I forgot about dear old Bella.
I’ll just cut right to the chase here. Bella’s first new tattoo spells out “I LOVE YOU” in rainbow lettering, and she showed it off in the most Bella Thorne way possible: with a thirst trap. Obviously. Never change, Bella.
First off, shouts out to the Instagram commenter who’s urging Bella Thorne to do a breast exam. There is no bump there; she’s just squeezing her boobs. She’s fine, but we appreciate your concern. Second of all, what fresh hell is this? This looks like a prison tattoo (I say from my intimate knowledge of the first two seasons of Orange Is The New Black and the life-size poster of Lil Wayne in my bedroom). Who did this? Even Glamour described it as letters that “look like a preschooler scrawled in crayon.” Granted, they did couch it with “in a charming way,” but what is charming about paying someone who I presume is a grown-ass adult to stab some letters into your skin with (again, what I presume to be) their non-dominant hand? Someone kindly advise.
Bella’s second tattoo is even better, and even more quintessential Bella, though. She revealed it via her Instagram Story. If you’re not already clutching pearls, I’d recommend going to dig them out for this.
Bella Thorne shows her second tattoo “Bite Me” via Instagram Stories (11/24/17) pic.twitter.com/02Wp88eZN4
— Bella Thorne Daily (@dailythornee) November 24, 2017
Yes, fam. She really did get “BITE ME” tattooed extremely close to her ass. And with that, Bella Thorne just raised the bar for white girl thirst traps everywhere. Your thick black choker is not enough to let the world know that you call your boyfriend “daddy” and you might be down for anal anymore; you’ve all really got to step it up. It’s “bite me” tattoo on the ass or bust.
Seriously, Bella. You are the hero Instagram deserves. If you’re reading this, never change.