In a definitive ranking of Hollywood transformations, I’m putting Emma Watson at #2, right under Michael Jackson and right before Caitlyn Jenner. Change your race, change your gender, IDGAF, nothing hits me quite like a vintage Emma circa Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. When we first met Em, she was a try-hard who pissed the whole classroom off and acted super desp over a scrawny ginger I would’ve ghosted before we even met. Level of betchiness: Anne Hathaway and Taylor Swift’s love child.
Now she’s a real life princess and the literal embodiment of the concept of “beauty,” which was my actual dream career/theme of every birthday party I ever had until my mom sobered up and realized I was turning 13 and something should prob change. She’s also queen feminist and a UN Women Global Goodwill Ambassador. If you don’t know what that is exactly, know it’s important AF. Remember how “important” you felt when you ran your sorority’s Tumblr?? Multiply that by 8,000,000 and you might be halfway there.
If I knew exactly what Emma did to go from “No, I didn’t just get electrocuted” to now, I wouldn’t be texting my grandma taking her up on her blind date offer, now would I?? But I have noticed a couple important beauty tips we could all use to transform ourselves into more attractive people, much like The Beast at the end of Beauty and The Beast.
1. The Importance Of Keratin
Did Emma Watson have frizzy-ass hair because she played Hermione, or did Emma Watson play Hermione because she had frizzy-ass hair? We may never know, but what we do know is that once Emma tamed the mane (shout out to Keratin), we started playing by her rules. And since then, Emma’s rocked short, blonde spikes to long, dark longs. Along the way, she’s taught us that our hair can be our best accessory if you pay enough attention to it and keep things interesting. Sounds like me as a girlfriend—needy AF. Thanks for reminding America not to sleep on the pixie cut, Em.
2. Keep The Male:Female Ratio In Your Favor
Emma’s queen at rolling up with a (below-average looking) man on each arm. Not only does she automatically look way out of their leagues, arriving as the sole female eliminates possible competition from anyone else looking better than you. A strategy I plan to implement this coming weekend—stay tuned.
3. When In Doubt, Red Lip
A signature makeup trend of Emma’s is a bold yet classy red lip. The statement color dresses up any look, makes lips look fuller and brightens your whole face. Pair this look with neutral colors or a cap and gown—you know, if you’re also an Ivy League grad.
4. Knowledge Is Always A Good Look
Emma’s confidence, intelligence, and well-tailored pantsuits are what make her actual #goals. Like, sure, we all think #goals when we see Kendall Jenner casually sporting Victoria’s Secret Angel Wings in Paris, but let’s sit back and reflect on the fact that she can’t read. So who’s actually taking the bigger L here, Kendall or you and your glass of wine that turned into a bottle and a half? Emma, on the other hand, uses her platform to set a good example and make a difference. Girl power and shit.
5. Own Your Cleavage
We need to talk about all the sad, old men yelling at Emma for innocently showing some cleav at a Vanity Fair shoot. To everyone who’s saying she’s hypocritical and actually anti-feminist because she posed semi-topless, I practically wear that amount of clothing on a given Saturday night. I mean A) this is hardly scandalous in Vanity Fair terms (I’m STILL haunted from the pics of daughter Miley and daddy Billy Ray) and B) If you don’t think you can have tits and be feminist at the same time, than there’s a bigger issue going on here. Emma, if you’re up there, know you set an example for females everywhere and remind us of the importance in tasteful underboob. You recognize that cleavage can be a woman’s best friend, and you do so with class. Slay.
Basically, if you want to live your dream life, model it after Emma Watson. I mean, who else can go from playing a fugly beloved children’s character who reads books to playing a beautiful beloved children’s character who loves to read books within just the span of a decade? It’s truly inspiring. Like, for real. Can’t wait to see what Emma does next.
