Barbie, You Look Different

Crazies who have been campaigning for a more realistic body type for Barbie can now shut up. Mattel announced today that Barbie will now come in three new body types, but still be available in her original fabulous, unachievable form.

You can now buy a “tall” Barbie, who is just as skinny as the original, but, somehow even more disproportionate now that she’s taller. “Petite” Barbie is somehow even thinner than the original, just shorter. “Curvy” Barbie is actually super decent looking and probably the most realistic proportionately, but the outfits they’ve shown on the new “curvy” dolls aren’t super flattering. Like, Mattel, “curvy” dolls could wear tight clothes too. They don’t all need to be in high-waisted skirts and boxy peplum tops. And, yes, in case you were wondering, we can always find a reason to complain about something.

The 23 newly released dolls are also more racially diverse. Score. Betches come in all colors so it’s about time Barbie caught up.

Downside, they have a flat foot in case you want your doll to wear flats or sneakers or something. I can get behind adding more diversity in race and body type, but this change is really bothersome to me. Growing up, we all probably admired Barbie for being able to make it through the day in sky-high heels without complaining. Given, she can’t complain, or even talk for that matter, but still. Can she still wear heels or is she relegated to the sidelines of high fashion in her white low-top Converse like she’s on some sort of goddamnned Bachelor group date? I need answers.

The dolls start hitting stores March 1. Upside, the super unrealistically shaped early 90s Barbies in a box at your moms house might actually become collectors’ items or something now. Too bad you lost all their fucking shoes an hour after taking them out of the box. Grrr. 


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