Valerie
Mesa

Valerie is an astrologer, writer and third-generation witch. Her favorite things to write about are mysticism and sex; the Moon is her muse.

Stuff I Wrote

Happy Thotumn! Your 2019 Cuffing Season Horoscopes

By Valerie Mesa

They say summer is the best season to fall in love, but I beg to differ.

Where You Should Go On Vacation Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By Valerie Mesa

There’s nothing more exhilarating than planning a summer getaway.

The Type Of Guy Your Zodiac Sign Should Have A Summer Fling With

By Valerie Mesa

Alexa, play “Summer” by Calvin Harris! Falling in love in the summertime is inevitable, betch.

Here's How You Treat Your Ex, According To Your Zodiac Sign

By Valerie Mesa

To forgive your ex, or to forget your ex, that is the question.

Mars Is In Cancer & Here's How That Could Affect Your Sex Life

By Valerie Mesa

No more mental tennis, betches!

Are Kourtney Kardashian & Scott Disick Astrologically Compatible?

By Valerie Mesa

Another day, another excuse to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

Venus Is In Aries & Here’s How It Might Affect Your Love Life

By Valerie Mesa

Don’t be afraid to take charge, betch.

Mars Enters Gemini & Here's What It Means For Your Sex Life

By Valerie Mesa

Talk that talk, betch.

Mercury Is Retrograde & Here's What That Means For Your Sign

By Valerie Mesa

You guessed it, betch.

Which Celebrity Heartthrob You Should Date, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By Valerie Mesa

Ever wonder which zodiac sign(s) you’re most compatible with?

Your 2019 Valentine’s Day Horoscope

By Valerie Mesa

Happy Valentine’s Day, betch!

What Chris Pratt & Katherine Schwarzenegger's Astrology Means For Their Engagement

By Valerie Mesa

I hear wedding bells, betches.

Are Justin Bieber And Hailey Baldwin Astrologically Compatible?

By Valerie Mesa

Am I the only one who can’t seem to process the fact that Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin are in fact husband and wife?

What 2019 Has In Store For You, Based On Your Zodiac Sign

By Valerie Mesa

We made it, betches.

Here’s What You Should Get Each Zodiac Sign As A Holiday Gift

By Valerie Mesa

OK, be honest.

How Mercury Retrograde Will Affect Every Zodiac Sign

By Valerie Mesa

On November 16th, Mercury the messenger, the gossip-loving and cosmic trickster planet, began its backwards journey through spontaneous Sagittarius.

Should You Splurge Or Save? Your Black Friday 2018 Horoscopes

By Valerie Mesa

To splurge, or to save?

Let's Get This Bread: Your Autumn 2018 Career Horoscope

By Valerie Mesa

Calling all boss babes: Tis the season to stop playing the victim and get to work.

Your Cuffing Season 2018 Horoscope

By Valerie Mesa

Ah, cuffing season.