ATTN ENGLISH TEACHERS: Shakespeare Was A Stoner Bro

Here's a big middle finger to all the people who said I shouldn't write my college essays stoned — apparently scientists discovered 400 year old clay pipes found in Shakespeare's backyard (read: weed den) which were filled to the brim with 400 year old weed res.

So now we know why Hamlet was so paranoid and always seeing shit—he was high AF. So, once again, fuck you to my high school english teacher for giving me detention when I proposed (and tested) this theory back in 2004. 

According to Jezebel, they found twenty four pipe fragments which makes me think that good old Billy Shakes was running The Globe's headshop for some extra cash. But that's not all— while 8 of the samples showed traces of weed (no news on the strain, but I can't imagine The Immortal Bard would shell out his hard earned cash for anything less than an eighth of straight up Sour D), some of the samples also had traces of Peruvian cocaine, proving once and for all the age old hypothesis that Shakespeare was a betch and loved to fucking party.


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