If all this winter bullshit (fuck off Jonas) has you feeling too emotionally unstable to leave your house this weekend, maybe you should take it as a sign that you deserve a day to yourself. If you’re actually concerned about freezing to death, your friends can’t get mad at you for canceling plans. That’s just like, the rules of feminism. So while you’re busy not socializing with other humans this weekend, you might as well make yourself look better in preparation for a time when the sun decides to reemerge. Here are some ideas on how to do that.
1. Take The Longest Shower Of Your Life
Use L’Occitane Cleansing And Softening Shower Oil With Almond Oil while you’re in there because it smells like the food you’re not going to be eating today, and it will give you an extra dose of much needed moisture.
2. Mask Everything
Face mask, hair mask, foot mask. It’s been scientifically proven that masking yourself in things makes you prettier, happier, and calmer. Choose masks that are tropically scented to combat your current Seasonal Affective Disorder. Or go with a classic: the SK-II sheet mask.
3. Epsom Salt Bath
After the longest shower anyone’s ever taken, it’s time for round two of your cleansing ritual. Get at least 2.5 bottles of wine ready, and set up a scalding hot bath with epsom salts. (Epsom salt is disgustingly cheap and you can find it anywhere.)
4. At Home Facial
If you don’t own an at home facial steamer, why???? Whatever. Buy this one by Dr. Dennis Gross (not gross, I promise). While you’re waiting for it to arrive in the mail, you can makeshift something out of a large bowl and boiling water. Put your face over the water for 10 minutes, and put a towel over your head to trap the steam in, but please, please, please don’t put your actual face in the water, you fucking troll.
5. Exfoliate Your Whole Bod
Get naked, go crazy. Shed an extra layer of skin, and who knows, maybe some lbs. Frank’s Body Scrub is all you need for this. It’s messy, but you’ll love it.
6. Self Tan
Summer bodies are built in the winter. So are summer tans. (Note: please only participate in self tanning if you have someone to help assist you. No-one wants to see your splotchy orange hands in the middle of winter. It’s just extra disconcerting this time of year.)