Ask A Pro: Do Men Actually Prefer Bitches?

Dear Head Pro,

I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now and even though he went to university and I took the year off, we've been making it work. Despite my best efforts, I do get jealous. We recently got in a big argument because he felt like it was unfair that I get upset when he goes out to clubs and bars at school. I apologized and said that I knew it wasn't fair and I would change. However, it's much easier for him to say that he trusts me when most of my friends are away at school so I very rarely go out without him. Therefore, he's never really had to worry about me being around other guys. It's easy for him to expect me to be completely trusting when he's never been in my position. Is it unfair for me to worry when he goes out with his friends (who are are all single by the way) or should he try to understand things from my perspective?

Sincerely,

Jealous Betch

Dear Jealous Betch,

Wow, where to begin? For the uninitiated, the “gap year,” so named for the “gap” in relevance it creates between you and everyone else, happens when you take the year “off” to do… whatever it is those people do. This is one of those situations where people say “I know it’s silly, but I can’t help the way I feel,” as though the feeling is validated by the simple act of having it. It is not. It is unfair for you to attempt to put a moratorium on fun, and that isn’t changed by the “fact” that it’s “easier” for him to trust you because you live a life devoid of joy.

Has it occurred to you that he’s faithful to you not because you monitor his whereabouts with a drone aircraft, but because he understands what’s implied by agreeing to be in a relationship? It’s in fact possible to have a grand time in college without getting acquainted with the whore brigade, provided he’s allowed to have a social life. Regardless of the disparity in your situations, how would you feel if your boyfriend literally mandated that you spend your evenings alone and/or sober because he couldn’t trust you to not jump on the first penis you saw? It would be pretty offensive and hurtful, wouldn’t it? There will always be other girls and single friends in his life, and you can’t be there to keep tabs on him 24/7. If you think that’s all that’s keeping him from cheating on you, this relationship isn’t going to last long.

You explicitly chose to be the outlier in this situation and now you’re asking him to shoehorn himself into your circumstance, effectively penalizing him for getting on with his life the way most people do. Not only that, you’re using your situation to try and justify your refusal to accept his. There’s no “perspective” for him to see here. You knew the score when you started dating, and now you’re asking me to validate your choice to change the rules. I won’t abide it. It’s bad enough for him to be at school without his girlfriend, so don’t make it worse. Your only “problem” is being unable to trust a boyfriend for whom you present no evidence of being untrustworthy. When he turns out to be a child molester, or actually cheats on you, then you can freak out.

Jealous Kisses,

Head Pro


Dear Head Pro,

First of all, thank you for your amazing advice. It's actually beyond hilarious. Anyway, I have a question about what guys think about mean girls. Because it's a given that girls tend to be attracted to assholes and SABs, but does the same apply to guys? Do guys prefer bitches? Or do they like sweet girls that tell them “I love you” a lot?

Also to further clarify, I'm not a bitch per say. However, I'm not very sentimental. I'd rather tease a guy and make fun of him than compliment him or tell him how I feel about him. It also makes me uncomfortable when guys pour out their emotional baggage on me. Do you think this might be holding me back? Because I have no problem attracting guys but somehow I haven't managed to actually have someone be interested in me in the long run.

Thanks Head Pro

Ice Queen

Dear Ice Queen,

Christ, is this what people spend their time thinking about? Ok, so, really you’re talking about two ends of the spectrum, and by definition not many people live at either end of the bell curve. No, no one wants some leaky faucet of a human being who can’t keep any of their feelings inside them (how do you keep finding these guys, btw?), but no one wants a mean, steely emotionless automaton either. Mean, as implied by its usage and definition, is a negative thing. Even the assholes and SABs that girls are into aren’t “mean,” they’re just, well, assholes and/or shady. If they were just mean-spirited, you wouldn’t be into them.

What most normal, non-crazy people look for is balance and emotional intelligence. Everyone wants someone who challenges them at first, who can engage in some banter when you’re just getting to know each other. It shows that you’re not easily gotten and not a fucking idiot. However, as things progress (and this is kind of the entire point of relationships), you do want someone to whom you can pour your heart out and vice versa. Being able to tell someone you love them while also being able to shoot the shit with them are not, and shouldn’t be, mutually exclusive concepts. The need to emotionally invest in others is a basic component of being a human and not an animal, like a hedgehog or ring-tailed lemur.

It’s one thing if these guys you’re dating are so clueless as to where your relationship is that they open up way too much before it would be reasonable or appropriate. That would suck. But how many times can that really happen? It’s not impossible, but it’s pretty difficult to get into anything resembling a relationship with someone and have two completely divergent notions of where things are and where things are going. If you want someone to be interested in you “long term,” you have to kind of expect their feelings for you to grow if that’s going to happen. If you’re either opposed to or unable to understand why that’s normal, I don’t know what to tell you.

I get the feeling from your pseudonym that you think it’s “cool” to be that standoffish girl, and it can be in the right situations. But trust me, if you spend too long taking it as a point of pride that guys can’t get to you, sooner or later they’ll just stop trying.

Warming Kisses,

Head Pro

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