Shakira, blink twice if you’re okay. Tom Cruise is “extremely interested in pursuing” the Latin singer and is shooting his shot by allegedly sending her flowers…well, according to Page Six. Yup, you read that right—Top Gun meets Top Bum—and his big move was sending a gift less than 24 hours after meeting. Until three days ago, there was zero evidence that these two had even actually been in the same room before, and now, they’re hip-shaking in my nightmares. 2023 is the year of wild couples and it is deeply unsettling.
If your brain cannot compute this coupling, you are not alone and may be entitled to financial compensation. Keep in mind that this isn’t even the most WTF woman Tom has been linked to—hello, Cher!
The buzz began after Tom and Shakira were seen together at the Formula 1 Grand Prix in Miami. Were they passionately making out on the hood of a race car? No, thank god, and you’re welcome for that visual. Did they have any physical contact whatsoever? Also no. They stood kind of close-ish for photos and had a conversation on the balcony of a VIP section, which is scandalous stuff. They also allegedly left to go chat in a ~private~ suite together but TikToks or it didn’t happen.
Let’s really think about this for a sec: Is Tommy just interested in recruiting Shakira for Scientology? Chances are she won’t like those hefty membership fees given her ongoing tax issues. Maybe he’s just looking for free lodging in Barcelona? OMG, wait, is Shakira making a surprise appearance in a new Mission Impossible?! I’m literally down to believe any theory on the internet besides one that points to them actually dating. Someone, please, make it make sense!
Look, do I think Shakira needs a change of pace after her messy split from
alleged scum cheater soccer player Gerard Piqué? Yes, absolutely. She’s been in her feelings for months, and deserves to thrive in her bachelorette era. We’ve been shoving our faces with popcorn and applauding as she’s dragged her ex’s name through the mud in her music, during interviews, and pretty much anywhere someone will listen. A relatable queen.
However, Tom is, well, not the rebound we were expecting her to flaunt in front of her former mother-in-law and current neighbor (IYKYK). The beach scene in Top Gun: Maverick clearly unlocked Shakira’s She Wolf, but like … Glen Powell is also available. Should we call Pete Davidson??
Shakira and Tom are both overdue for a public romance. Until last summer, Shakira was in a 12-year relationship with Gerard and Tom has kept his personal life very private since his 2012 divorce from ex-wife Katie Holmes. After he jumped on a couch professing his love for Katie like a middle schooler who had too much Red Bull, it’s probably for the best. If Shakira is looking for a new stable partner, a thrice-divorced Hollywood spokesperson for Scientology might not be it.
The red flags are waving wild. This is a man who once claimed he could heal people with his touch. He may or may not *still* be actively avoiding Nicole Kidman, despite being divorced for over 20 years. We saw your empty seat at the Oscars, Tom!
It’s about to be hot girl summer, and we’re hoping Shakira will keep her options open. While Tom was (probably) chatting with 1-800-Flowers, Shakira was taking a cozy boat ride with Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton. Do you, girl!
Photos courtesy of Getty Images.