In our ongoing efforts to make astrology the most widely accepted religion of 2018, we present to you our new sign season horoscopes. Every month we’ll spotlight the sign of the season and give you a preview of what their four-week long birthday celebration will look like. Another reason to waste time at work while reading about yourself? The greatest birthday gift of all.
Welcome to Aquarius season, ladies. It’s the time of year from January 20th to February 18th where everyone’s favorite air sign is just a little more powerful than usual, which is frightening when you consider they’re already raging narcissists with a God complex on a normal day. You think it’s a coincidence that the government shut down on day one of the 2018 Aquarius Era? It’s not.
More than that, the Aquarius in your friend group is the center of attention because that’s where everyone wants them to be. Their infectious nature and general lack of shame make them great people to go out with and even better people to suffer through a hangover with. As the life of the party, an Aquarius birthday season is a celebration for everyone. So in order to celebrate, here’s a horoscope entirely dedicated to an Aquarius’ favorite thing: themselves.
Happy Birthday, Aquarius! The next couple weeks are going to be nonstop action for you, some good, some bad. While the bustle of birthday season is your favorite time of year, it also brings unnecessary drama and seemingly endless coordination. Accept now that you won’t be sleeping until March, and plan your coffee consumption accordingly.
Since Aquarians are known to cast their friendship net far and wide, they tend to forget that putting all of those people in the same room and expecting them to get along doesn’t always work out. Well guess what? It’s your birthday and they can fucking deal. Don’t waste any of your already precious energy focusing on other people’s petty shit, especially since you hardly have the time to deal with your own. It’s your party and they can cry if they want to.
It’s lonely at the top, Aquarius, but there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. This month is going to present some amazing opportunities for your career, but it won’t go unnoticed by your coworkers. It may feel awkward at first to accept things that you know others have been gunning for, but by no means should that stop you. You’ve earned every bit of what you’re getting, so don’t let others dull your shine.
Between the hustle of work and the chaos of birthday planning, romance is literally the last thing on your mind right now. Then again, it’s never something your entirely focused on, is it?
Let’s be real for a sec: An Aquarius is down to have fun and flirt with just about anything with a heartbeat, as long as that ever-present emotional barbed wire is firmly in place. It’s fine, dying alone is super chic.
Well bad news, my dudes. Sometime throughout the course of this month, some poor soul with a death wish is going to try and break down those walls, and spoiler alert—you’re not going to like it. Rather than immediately shutting everything down and throwing your phone into the nearest body of water, try and be just the slightest bit open to these developments. Sure, you might break out into full body hives every time your phone buzzes, but it’ll be a learning experience for you and a source of pure entertainment for your friends with functional feelings.
It may seem inhumane to tell you to cut back on spending during your month-long birthday party, but that’s exactly what I’m about to do, Aquarius. It can be hard for you to focus on the long-term when the short-term is so pressing and immediate, but you need to try. It’s all fun and games until you’re eating beans out of a can for the entirety of March because you spent your entire savings on an extravagant party for all your friends. Besides, it’s your birthday. Shouldn’t people be buying you shit?
What To Watch Out For
After the hem and haw of your birthday passes, it may feel natural to retreat back into the safety and solitude of your apartment and completely ignore your friends and family for an extended period of time. Tempting as this sounds, try to not do that. Pushing people and establishing impenetrable boundaries is Aquarius 101, but that doesn’t mean it should be your default. Literally everyone you know just spent about three weeks celebrating you (likely because you demanded it), so try and reciprocate the tiniest bit.
Images: Bruno Gomiero / Unsplash; Glossology / Twitter; Giphy (2)