Angela Merkel: Betch of the Week

It’s understandable if you’re super confused about everything that’s happening in Greece right now. It’s a complex situation, so let’s break it down: Greece is Cady Heron, and the EU is the Plastics. Germany is the Head Plastic, so by default Angela Merkel is Regina George. Right now, it’s Regina’s job to decide whether Cady gets to stay a Plastic, or whether she’ll be relegated to trying to sit with the Hot Asians.

This is obviously an oversimplification, but the meaning should be clear: Angela Merkel has a lot of fucking power. Now let’s back up a bit. Angela (hard G, like “angle”) has been Chancellor of Germany since 2005. That’s their President, if you really know nothing about world politics. She’s the first woman Chancellor, which is like totally badass, and she’s now in her third term. She also has a PhD in physical chemistry, which I didn’t even know was a thing.

She’s been President of the European Council and Head of the G8 Summit (cool stuff), and she’s the de facto leader of the European Union. If this sounds like a big fucking deal, you’re right, because Forbes has ranked her as the world’s most powerful woman for the past two years. In 2013, they also ranked her as the world’s second most powerful person, the highest ranking ever for a woman. Kate McKinnon also does an amazing impression of her on SNL, which is a must-see.

Basically, Angela Merkel is the clear HBIC of Europe, and she can do whatever she wants. Hats off to you, Angela, good luck figuring out what the hell to do with Greece.


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