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An Exclusive First Look At Melania’s Dating App Profile

With former president Tr*mp being indicted for a millionth time, and the American people just waiting to see if he does not pass go, does not collect $200, and does go directly to jail, there’s a chance Melania might use this opportunity to finally make a break for it. It feels like a split has been looming for years, especially if you consider the countless times she looked like she’d rather gouge her eyes out with diamonds than stand next to her own husband. Plus, now that she’s “seething with fury” over Donald using their son Barron as a political pawn, we’ll probably see these two in divorce court amidst all the other courts that guy has to go to.

While she plots her escape and “explores” what else might be floating around in the dating swamp for a former First Lady, we checked out her profile on the hot new dating app, “Anyone But Trump.” 

Tell us more about yourself in order to start finding love!







Sara K. Runnels
Sara K. Runnels
Sara K. Runnels is a copywriter and humor writer living in Seattle, Washington. Her work has appeared in The New Yorker, McSweeney’s, Tinder messages, Gmail inboxes, group texts, Instagram captions, one Yelp review, several spec scripts her mom thinks are GREAT and hundreds of Twitter screenshots. Follow her all over the internet – @omgskr.