Fourth of July was once a a day devoted to celebrating the birth of merica‘. Now, like all holidays and events have turned into, the Fourth of July is just another day when every girl on this land mass that could potentially call The Donald its President competes to capture the perfect Instagram. It’s a day of a million stressors as you passive-aggressively compete with your “friends” to see who can have the best day. Pay an exorbitant amount to attend that roof party or scramble to find someone doing something chic. Go to the Hamptons or stay in the city? Capture the ‘Gram in front of fireworks or the American flag? Just thinking about this makes me want to stress eat a hot dog real bad, so we’re looking to help you answer at least one important question for this year’s fourth: what the fuck are you going to wear? Here’s our guide for putting together an outfit that’ll really have that all-American bro seeing stars.
STARS & STRIPES
No need to overthink this one, betches. Try to avoid the obvious and grab something with a print or few of those hues. Nobody wants to hook up with the American flag at the end of the night, just ask Betsy Ross.
ALL AMERICAN RED
If you love America, but want to be a little bit more subtle, like it’s a bro you’re playing hard to get with, just go with a single color of the flag. No color on the flag is sexier than red (obviously). You’re still celebrating America, but you’re not, like, all over its dick. These chic all-red dresses will make you hotter than a toasted marshmallow.
If there’s one part of the American flag you want to associate yourself with it’s those cute little white stripes—they’re, like, so skinny! The betch in white is the overconfident girl who couldn’t care less about the three messy Bs coming her way on the fourth: barbecues, beers, and bros. Try a two-piece, a chic drapey number, or a dainty lace dress, just make sure not to get BBQ sauce on it.
If you’ve reached this point of the list and haven’t been in love with any of the themes then you just obviously hate America #fact. We round out our color options with a pair of blue dresses that will look just as chic at Sunday brunch as it will patriotic at whatever Fourth party you grace with your presence. You’ll have the bros running through the party screaming “The hottie is coming, the hottie is coming” while you enter on your proverbial high horse.
Throwback to some of the styles that have made this country great. Whether you’re channeling one of JFK’s mistresses by putting on one of these classic Hamptons styles or opting for some torn up denim like new American hero Rihanna, these are signature USA style.
STAR SPANGLED SWIMSUIT
Confused by why the fireworks get all the attention on Fourth of July? Me too. Steal the fireworks shine by turning up to the show in a summery swimsuit because “working on your summer bod” isn’t just something you post about on Instagram. Trust us, no one will be able to pay any attention to those explosions in the sky with you in the house—unless of course there’s some cool designs, like, idk, a flower or a heart or something. In that case, touché, fireworks, touché.
SHOE GAME STRONG
Go for some all-time classic, casual styles this Fourth of July. What does the sneaker trio of Vans slip-ons, Chucks, and adidas Superstars have in common with America? They will all literally never go out style. Other acceptable Fourth styles are some cute sandal options that will keep your feet more free than the residents of this beautiful nation.
With all the skin showing in the heat of summer, it’s the perfect time to put that new (temporary) ink on display. Betches have paired up with INKED for the perfect set of Fourth-themed tats that will have you rapping America and your betchy side in equal parts. Where else are you going to find a pair of trippy, American flag-themed lips?