We all can agree that men might have it easier in society in general, but we’re honestly glad we don’t have a dick. Sorry, but when it comes to reproductive parts, women get vaginas that look like flowers and bros get… something that looks like one of those things you spray pesticide on flowers so they die. It’s honestly so funny to us that men could even think sending a dick pic should ever be greeted with anything but disgust. But as it is with most ugly things, dicks are much easier to draw than vaginas. Probably because true art is hard to imitate, and our vaginas are like art.
Much like we can’t help but see those green Stan Smith Adidas shoes everywhere, the basic dick appears even when we are not looking for it. Literally anything can be a dick, such as this garden gnome and his succulents:
Once you see it, you can’t unsee it.
The new hilarious show American Vandal is taking this to the next level, and we’re here for it. In case you haven’t Netlix and Chilled in the past few days, American Vandal is a documentary style show following a kid that’s been accused of drawing dicks all over his school. It’s a parody of Making a Murder type docu-dramas from Funny or Die, and they take the dick drawing very seriously.
The trailer opens with a classic true crime teaser that we can’t get enough of. It even has a red spray paint close up that looks like blood stains. Very clever, that’s like Heidi Klum Halloween costume thorough. Then we hear the story of how Dylan got accused of spraying dicks on cars in a parking lot, and it’s like, okay we’re fully on board. A show that takes itself seriously as a way to say they don’t actually GAF? We’re here for it. Remember when the cool kid in your school got suspended for something dumb like pulling down his pants during assembly, and then everyone held a vigil to protest his suspension? Lol, this is like that, but on
In light of this show, people on the internet have started sharing their dick shaped objects online.
Like we said, we’re not a fan of the actual human dick, but dick shaped objects are forever hilarious. Why do you think comedians talk into a microphone? I mean, there are literally dick shaped objects everywhere like this one:
Source: marianalourencob via Instagram
Something about long, hard objects like cucumbers, bananas, and even polenta rolls makes us laugh. Obviously the American Vandal show creators know how funny dicks are, and we’re excited to see the show on Netflix. They’re also launching a hashtag called #WhoDrewTheDicks on Instagram and #DicksEverywhere to show just how many dick shaped things are in our everyday life.
Honestly we think you should participate just to prove how fucking basic dicks are. How many dick shaped things can you find in one day? That’s like asking how many shots you’re going to take at an open bar. The possibilities are endless and you’ll never know the answer because you’ll be blackout by the time it’s over. In this case you’ll be seeing dicks in everything that you won’t be able to ride a bicycle without imagining the handlebars are dicks. Sorry for that imagery.
Get on board with the hashtag #DicksEverywhere.
Source: sedusivesweets via Instagram
For reference, this is what the dicktastrophe that Dylan is accused of drawing in American Vandal looks like:
The ironic thing about drawing dicks on cars is that cars are already basically an extension of a guy’s dick, so honestly Dylan was probably just labeling things as he saw them. If he did it, that is. Which I guess you’ll have to watch the show to find out if he did.