203. All Things Neon

Neon sneakers, neon crop tops, neon nail polish. Like thunder announces lightning or Kristen Stewart’s casting announces a movie will suck, wherever you see a flash of neon you know a betch is near.

Whether you’re going to a music festival, the gym, rehab, the fucking restroom, a betch know it’s necessary to be seen wearing at least a little piece of offensive orange or strip-club-sign green. When a betch isn’t wearing #190 black or dressing so slutty that the colors she’s wearing are barely visible anyway, she is no doubt dabbling in neons.

So why do we love these loud, obnoxious and sometimes blinding colors? Because they show the world that we are loud and we don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. Also, everyone knows you’re only as hot as the pink you wear.

Now that we think about it, a great way to identify the fellow betches of the world would be to turn on a giant blacklight and see who glows. And voila, we’d know exactly who to fake smile at. Kind of like an ethnic cleansing except no one dies.

So next time you spot someone in neon, don’t worry, she is probably one of our kind. When in doubt always remember the rule of thumb: betches wear neon, nicegirls wear pastel.


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