Guys, I’m so tired. I’m so tired of slathering my entire body in makeup because I’m wearing a dress. I’m so tired of being told that a laxative tea, one that will surely f*ck up my digestive system, will make me look like a (Photoshopped) celebrity. These impossible beauty standards and the toxic messages I’ve internalized are wearing me out. I’m SO TIRED. And so is Jameela Jamil, who is, yet again, calling out the Kardashians for telling women that we’re not good enough unless we have an 18-inch waist. Jameela’s most recent gripe is over Kim’s new body makeup, which women can use to cover their entire body and blur things like veins, bruises, or any other “imperfection” that might make a man think that we are human *gasp*! Excuse me while I go burn everything to the ground now.
This is obviously not the first time that Jameela has come for the Kardashians, it’s just the latest battle in the war she is waging against the unattainable beauty standards the world has set for women, and that the Kardashians continue to perpetuate and profit off of. Such a lovely family! So, in honor of Jameela’s most recent display of straight-up badassery, let’s take a look at all the times she went after America’s First Family of Flat Tummy Tea.
Of all the awful things that the Kardashians hath wrought, appetite suppressant lollipops are the worst of all. Well, the lollipops and Tristan Thompson, but this article’s not about him. Last year, Kim promoted these lollipops on Instagram, telling her 142 million followers that not eating is cool! Going to extreme measures to look like Kim is cool! Let’s all get eating disorders together! (I’m only paraphrasing a little.) Naturally, Jameela took issue with this advertisement:
As my aunt likes to text me, “you go girl!” Personally, I would have used even a few more expletives, but I’m from Jersey. Those Brits are way f*cking classier. This is the first time I noticed Jameela going after the Kardashians, and it made a big splash and started a narrative. Eventually,
the check cleared I guess a modicum of shame got to Kim, so she changed the caption to just a lollipop emoji, but WE ALL KNOW WHAT YOU DID, KIM.
In case you were giving Kim the benefit of the doubt after the lollipop fiasco, let me get you some more sticks to fuel that rage fire. Later in the year, Kim posted an Instagram story where her sisters told her she looked anorexic and she was so excited and thanked them. So yeah, she’s promoting anorexia. But guys, it was just a joke! Fun and games! My fun and games involve shaming my brother with embarrassing photos in our family group chat and commenting “never forget,” but sure! Anorexia is hilarious too! In response to this story, Jameela posted the following on her own Instagram:
THANK YOU. It’s sad that we all need to be reminded that our weight does not determine our worth, but I certainly can use the reminder literally all the time. Jameela also created an Instagram account called @i_weigh, which is about “radical inclusivity, so that no one feels alone.” I highly recommend it as a follow in between the life-sized Barbies that are popping up in our feed.
I actually only included this incident because after the Kardashians did an interview basically saying they can do whatever they want for money (SERIOUSLY), Jameela said that “their pockets are lined with the blood and diarrhea of teenage girls.” This is the most epic insult I’ve ever heard, and in my dreams I came up with it myself. I hope the money is worth it, ladies!!
Khloé posted in an Instagram story earlier this year that all women want is to “1. Lose Weight and 2. Eat” which obviously set Jameela off:
Sadly, for some of us, especially me (hello garlic knots, my old friend) this is true. And it’s because people like the Kardashians have been telling us for so long in so many ways that skinny is the best way. So, maybe, just maybe, if certain people stop promoting waist trainers, and laxative tea, and appetite suppressant lollipops, women will stop only wanting to both lose weight and eat. And for the record, women do want other things. I also would like to own a bookstore/coffee shop, get a dog, and to meet my goal of reading 50 books this year.
And finally, we have the epic post where Jameela called out Khloé for promoting Flat Tummy Tea and acting like it’s the reason she looks the way that she does, when we all know that’s not true.
I’m so glad that Jameela said this. Because most girls aren’t as cynical as me and don’t realize that Khloé Facetuned the sh*t out of this. Most girls don’t follow multiple Instagram accounts that point out all the ways that celebrities enhance their images (or read our weekly Photoshop Fail articles). Most girls don’t have the free time to deep-dive the Kardashian archives and see all the times they’ve sold us snake oil. It must be pointed out. FYI, Khloé eventually deleted the post. PROGRESS.
So, if this article hasn’t proven to you that God sent the Kardashians down to us as a test and that we failed, I don’t know what will. I’ll just be over here bracing myself for the next big flood. Thanks for trying, Jameela!
Images: Giphy (1); jameelajamil/Twitter (2); jameelajamilofficial, commentsbycelebs/Instagram