Alcoholic Hot Chocolate: The Betch’s Holiday Helper

Real talk: Most of you are going to need a lottttt of alcohol to get through being home for several weeks. Why not just kill two birds with one stone and look domestic while you get trashed? I mean, women have been doing it forever. As evidenced by your overwhelming response to our boozy apple cider, I give you boozy hot cocoa.

Because we don’t do the whole packet of dried out hot cocoa plus vodka thing (I mean you can, but like, why would you?), we’re going to whip up a LEGIT recipe for hot chocolate with booze. Let’s call it: The Betch’s Holiday Helper.

Obviously, the biggest concern for this recipe is which booze you want to utilize. I mean, do you want to go classic and have a marshmellowy cup of happiness while you bake a cake full of rainbows and smiles? Or do you want to reminisce about spring break with either tequila or rum chocolate mixtures? Don’t fret, betches.

Regardless of what alcohol adventure you choose, you need the same shit to start (each version makes about 4 cups, depending how thirsty you are). Here’s your fucking base recipe:

  • 1 pinch of kosher salt
  • 1 tbsp granulated sugar
  • ¼ cup cocoa powder (get Ghirardelli or Hershey’s or go home)
  • 3 cups whole milk – okay yes I know it isn’t skim, but skim will taste like water
  • 4 ounces (1/2 cup) of bittersweet or semisweet chocolate, finely chopped (this is up to you)
  • 4 ounces (1/2 cup)  of milk chocolate chips

In a medium saucepan, stir together the salt, sugar, and cocoa powder. Add the milk, bittersweet chocolate and chocolate chips. Heat the mixture over medium heat until the mixture is hot (not simmering or boiling, but starting to form tiny bubbles around the edges) and chocolate is melted. Whisk the whole thing together GENTLY until all the chocolate is incorporated.

NOW the important shit: if you want to enjoy a “classic” hot chocolate, remove the saucepan from the heat and whisk in ½ cup to ¾ cup of whipped cream, vanilla, or cake flavored vodka. If this concoction isn’t sweet/alcoholic enough, feel free to throw in ¼ cup of Bailey’s or Kahlua as well.

For your spring break version, follow the above basic recipe but whisk in ¼ cup dark rum once the pan is off the heat. I mean, we added more, but you do you. If you want to remind yourself about bikini season even more, follow the above base recipe, then whisk in ½ cup of tequila and ¼ cup of peppermint schnapps (or cinnamon-flavored liquor).

Ladle your concoction into a mug and soak up your own awesomeness. Mazel tov on blacking out this holiday season.


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