Since it’s still 2017 and everything is trash (especially the new tax bill), it’s highly likely that the guy you’re seeing/currently chatting with on whatever fucking dating app is hot right now (I can’t keep up) is a complete and total fuckboy. If you need a refresher on the telltale signs of fuckboy-ery please read here, and if you remember what dating was like in a pre-fuckboy world, please hit me up with your stories of a better time. The horrors of dating over the past few years have wiped all my memories and forced me into a state of being that’s kind of like having a never-ending cold: like, I know there was once a time where I could breathe through my nose find a nice guy, but now I can’t remember what it felt like and damn was I an asshole for not appreciating the times when I could take a deep breath without coughing had options.
By now, we should all know better than to spend time on a guy that texts only after 9pm, has never introduced you to his friends, or is “morally opposed” to being in photographs (that’s some class-A bullshit). But just as technology has advanced, so has the fuckboy. So it’s time my friends, that we look beyond the obvious Dean Unglert-like moves, and watch out for these three more advanced fuckboy tactics: because if they’re getting smarter, we’d better start getting more suspicious.
1. Following Up On Old Leads
If he slow-faded you months ago but resurfaced on a random Wednesday night because he was “thinking about you” and was “wondering how you’ve been,” it’s not because he missed you. It’s because he just finished watching Sportscenter, is tired of swiping, and decided to browse through his contacts hoping to bring an old lead back to life (for like two dates, max). Hopefully you read his text while lying in bed with your fabulous new bf and you can respond with a quick couples selfie and say “‘I’ve been great, thanks for asking!”, but if not, just block his number and find your own new lead.
2. The String Along
Avoiding making actual hangout plans is classic fuckyboy, but the true artistry is when they catch you just as you are about to give up—and give you just enough slack to real you back in. Maybe it’s been a week, or maybe you’re a true sucker and have been holding out for like a month, but it’s in our nature to get excited when a guy we thought had lost interest pops back up. It’s always the day after you stopped hoping it was him, and it’s always, ALWAYS the sign of an advanced fuckboy. Don’t give in to the string along: if he doesn’t straight-up make plans, call his ass out and block his damn number.
3. The Casual Party Invite
It can be v exciting when a new boy invites you to a party. Obviously your mind will go somewhere like, “his friends are going to be there, omg he wants me to meet his friends,” or “he wants to be seen with me in public, he must be marriage material!” But since it’s 2017 (where all dreams go to die), I’m about to ruin that one for you as well: Beware of the party invite, because if he’s a class-A fuckboy (which, let’s be honest, he probably is) he definitely sent that exact same text to his last five Tinder matches.
Tbh, if you have to ask if he’s a fuckboy, he probably is. Unless you’re like me and you just assume all men are fuckboys until they prove to you otherwise. Anyway, hope this helped.