Retired soccer player and Miley’s hair inspiration, Abby Wambach, joined the grand tradition of Olympic athletes getting arrested for DUIs. Maybe she can keep her mugshot next to her gold medal? She got way too drunk at a dinner party (same), drove like shit on her way home (same again), and was pulled over around 11pm on Saturday night, so we know two things: betch cannot pace herself well, and she obv didn’t make it to Sunday brunch.
Abby already issued a public apology for the DUI on Facebook, and for reasons we can’t quite figure out, it’s also come out that she’s tried cocaine and pot—what a monster. We don’t know what her sentence will be, but she’s already losing endorsements as we speak. Cheer up, Abs. If the endorsements don’t work out, you can always come party with us.