At the end of last week, the mess that is 2017 so far continued when it was announced that hot actress Olivia Munn and hot football player Aaron Rodgers had broken up after more than three years together. Just recently it was rumored that they were engaged, but apparently that wasn’t in the cards. They remain “close friends and wish nothing but the best for each other moving forward,” which in non-publicist language probably means Aaron is glad to be rid of that bitch Olivia, and Olivia feels bad for the next girl who has to deal with Aaron’s weirdly shaped dick. Just speculating here as a completely objective third party with absolutely no personal interest in the matter…
In case you’re not sure exactly who we’re talking about right now, Aaron is Jordan Rodgers’s brother, as in the one who’s engaged to JoJo from The Bachelorette. The plot thickens. Actually, JoJo told Us Weekly about how supportive the Rodgers family was just a few hours before news of the split got out. So it’s unclear who she was talking about, but it seems obvious from that statement that despite how hard JoJo tried, she never got to be friends with Aaron and Olivia. Anyway, against all odds, JoJo and Jordan’s relationship has outlated Aaron and Olivia’s. I think I speak for all of us when I say:
Apparently, most of Aaron’s family was not a fan of Olivia, so he’s basically been totally estranged from them recently. And look how well that went! Tbh we kind of understand his family’s concern, because Olivia is super hot but she always looks like she’s keeping a secret that would fuck up your whole life. Or maybe that’s just her face, idk. Their reasons were—get this—they “didn’t think she was dating him for the right reasons.” Honestly, the irony is so beautiful I could cry.
Either way, Aaron is back on the market now, and he can presumably start talking to his family again. Honestly, if Aaron’s up for it he should go on the next season of The Bachelorette. It obviously worked out super well for his brother, and sweet Rachel would probably a welcome change from probably-psycho Olivia. It might conflict with his football training schedule (we have no clue when that shit starts), but he could probably get a note excusing him or something. Chris Harrison, please make this happen, okay?