For the last six months, I’ve spent way more time than I care to admit focused on Colton Underwood’s virginity. From the moment he first appeared on Becca’s season of The Bachelorette (which feels like seven years ago), ABC and Mike Fleiss have been shoving Colton’s sexual history down Bachelor nation’s collective throats. From his relationship with Becca, to the drama in Paradise with Tia, to this never-ending season of The Bachelor, I think literally everyone in America has heard about Colton’s virginity. But what if Colton has been lying about his v-card the whole time? There’s new evidence, and we need to discuss.
Back in February, TMZ posted a Snapchat photo of a young Colton Underwood, with a caption that proudly proclaims “I f*cked a big tittied hoe last night.” Cute, love that. It’s obviously an old picture, because Colton looks about 21 years old. If the caption is real, it obviously blows Colton’s alleged virginity out of the water. But, let’s face it, a Snapchat photo can easily be Photoshopped, or Colton could have just been making a dumb joke. We’ve spent the last year watching his dumb sense of humor on TV, so this really wouldn’t be that shocking.
At the time, TMZ claimed that their sources said the photo was fake, so it didn’t get a ton of press. But this week, the photo resurfaced after Robby Hayes brought it up on the Bachelor Blab podcast. When asked about the topic of Colton Underwood’s virginity, he said “I personally don’t really think he’s a virgin. I saw that picture that came out, I’m sure you did too.” He didn’t stop there: “I actually got sent that picture about two months before it came out by my sister, because this person he sent it to is one of her friends, and so she was like, ‘Oh my God. He’s not a virgin.'”
When this story broke yesterday, I really didn’t know what to think. We all know that Robby Hayes is thirsty AF, and now that his 15 seconds of fame on Vanderpump Rules is over, this is a prime way for him to get some Google Alerts about himself. But still, what if all this is real? What if Colton has really spent an entire year lying to Chris Harrison and all of America, just so he could have a source of income after his failed football career?
My mental state after dealing with 9 months of Colton’s bullsh*t:
Then, last night, a dedicated Betchelor fan DMed us, and said that she was in possession of the fabled Colton Snapchat. Our source would prefer to remain anonymous, but she got the Snap from someone who went to high school with Colton, and is still in a Snapchat group with him. Of course, this still isn’t proof that Colton was being serious when he sent the photo, but it really sounds like it was a real Snap that he sent to people.
In the end, we’ll probably never know if Colton Underwood is (or was) truly a virgin, and I guess it doesn’t really matter that much. But also f*ck Mike Fleiss if he’s been dragging us through this virginity joke-laden hell for the last year and it’s all been a hoax. The end of Colton’s season is only a couple weeks away, and it honestly can’t come soon enough.
Images: ABC; @betches / Instagram; Giphy