A Strongly Worded Letter To People Who Have Loud Conversations About Themselves

Betches love talking about themselves. It’s a known fact that a convo between besties will include lots of self-reflection and introspective analysis. We also love talking shit so that takes up about the other 50% of our convo topics.

The difference between betches and the rest of the world, aka the peasants, is that we know what noise level to adhere to when talking. Lately it seems as those everyone else has forgotten common fucking courtesy and starting having loud conversations in the middle of restaurants, while walking down the street, and basically any other place that is relatively quiet enough for you to be able to use your INSIDE VOICE.

Your friend is sitting right next to you can you fucking not scream about how crazy your night was last night? I have a hangover and if you weren't lame AF then you probably would too. Board games and three glasses of wine is definitely not something to scream about.

These rude squawkers are the reason why the resting betch face exists. A betch can be having a completely normal and happy day filled with iced coffee, not doing work, and maybe a quick Soul Cycle sesh. Except for a few annoying stop and chats, everything is going great until we are walking back to the office (to not do some more work) and while trying to get in lost in our own fabulous thoughts about the current bro on our mind, some annoying AF loser sneaks up behind us and starts yelling about the DELICIOUS sandwich they had at Panera for lunch to the person standing literally 2 feet away from them. Cool fucking story. Bitch face on.

This kind of behavior is extremely disrespectful and it really ruins our relaxed vibe. There is nothing betchy about the subject you are discussing so it’s really just embarrassing for you to be sharing your thoughts with the entire world. Why don’t you STFU and go tweet about it? At least then I don’t have to endure the agony that is your high-pitched screech about how you’re so excited you got your size 8 dress on sale at Sears.

Considering not much fazes a betch, this shit needs to stop. Next time you hear some fugly girl going on and on about the most irrelevant shit ever (wow your National Dog Day instagram post got 37 likes – cool!!!!!!) feel free to turn around, look her straight in the eye, and tell her no one (not even her mom) gives a fuck. Some people need more help than others in the whole being a normal, not annoying human thing. Betches obviously need to be spreading the wealth.


The Betches


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