A Strongly Worded Letter To Bros Who Say It Is What It Is

Dear Bros Who Say “it is what it is,”

Do you like your left cheek? Do you want it to become imprinted with a bruise the size and shape of my open hand? If not, then kindly refrain from saying, “it is what it is” because whatever it is, makes me want to slap the shit out of you. But not like literally because that would be frowned upon in most societies and also I think potentially qualify as assault, so in reality not worth it. But still.

K now that I’ve popped a Xanax I can give a more coherent argument as to why this is pretty much the most dick-ish thing you can say to a person besides maybe like, “don’t bring black people to my basketball games.”

“It is what it is” will probably make an unwelcome appearance basically any time you confront your SAB for doing something, in fact, shady. It’s the bro’s version of “sorry not sorry” except wayyyy more annoying because you’re too much of a douche to even utter the word “sorry.” Let’s look at some examples.

You: You’re 45 minutes late for dinner, now we’re going to miss our reservation.
Him: It is what it is.

Translation: Even though you told me about this reservation weeks ago and continued to remind me of it, I started playing GTA5 when I should have been getting dressed. Whoops.

Fine, it is what it is and I am what I am, which is fucking starving. Trust me, when my blood sugar is low I get bitchier than Anna Wintour on her period, which actually explains a lot about my everyday interactions now that I think about it.

You: Omg did you seriously drop $200 on weed when you said you “couldn’t afford” that ring I wanted for my birthday?
Him: It is what it is.

Translation: I have a totally logical and selfless set of priorities.

You: I thought we were supposed to be exclusive, but I heard you hooked up with Ashley.
Him: It is what it is.

Translation: I pretty much do not give a single fuck about you but I’m hoping you’ll still put out later.

Congrats, you just effectively conveyed to me in 5 short words that you’re a douche. Although for future record, simply saying “I’m a douche” would have been a lot less words and effort overall. So unless you follow up with an actual apology you can go shave your back now.


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