As we all know by now, Kourtney Kardashian is dating Travis Barker, and on Wednesday, various tabloids reported that the Poosh founder and Blink-182 drummer got engaged over the weekend in Las Vegas. Itās the kind of shocking news that feels so wild it could actually be true, but Iām unconvinced.
In this case, the āevidenceā of the engagement boils down to a couple of vaguely suggestive Instagram captions from Travisā daughter and a hairstylist. Iām not saying Kourtney and Travis are definitely not engaged, but thereās a lot of guessing going on here. But whether or not the engagement turns out to be real, itās clear that Kourtney and Travis are very into each other, given the fact that theyāve plastered their PDA all over social media.Ā
While youāre still only putting your man on close friends stories after six months, Kourt has taken the opposite approach, reminding the world on a weekly basis that she and Travis are extremely horny for each other. And good for them! Contrary to what Sex/Life would have you believe, Kourtney seems to be living proof that being a mother with a sex drive wonāt ruin your life. Iām happy for them, I really am, but it kind of feels like⦠a lot. I love love, but you know what I love even more? Two adults who can keep it in their pants for an evening in public.
Now that these two lovebirds may be headed down the aisle at some point, letās take a little walk down the brief memory lane of their relationship. And by that, I mean letās rank their posts from least to most egregious PDA.Ā
6. The Risky Hand Placement
View this post on Instagram
This post kind of gives me grunge Bonnie and Clyde vibes, which is a great aesthetic for Travis and Kourt (minus the fact that Bonnie and Clyde got killed in a police ambush, but I digress). Travisā hand positioning in each picture really feels like he wants to rip her clothes off, but thankfully for us, they stay within Instagramās guidelines.
5. The Lap Sit
View this post on Instagram
Sitting in someoneās lap isnāt inherently suggestive ā though mall Santas have always creeped me out ā but Travis and Kourtney sort of took things to the next level here. Kourtneyās skirt/shorts/whatever have fully ridden up her thighs, and sheās holding Travisā hand riiiiiight above her crotch. The first pic gives you the idea, but later in the carousel we actually get a closeup of the aforementioned crotch. Why was this necessary?
4. The Tat Shot
View this post on Instagram
Giving someone a tattoo may not officially count as PDA, but itās certainly an intimate activity, and it shows a lot of trust given Kourtney isnāt remotely qualified to be doing this. Has the Health Department seen this?? The final product, a simple āi love youā scrawled over another existing tattoo, actually looks pretty good (not that Iām an expert). But this isnāt their only tattoo bond. Just a couple weeks later, Travis revealed that he got Kourtneyās name tattooed over his heart. I donāt need to remind Travis Barker that tattoos are permanent, but this just feels like too much for someone youāve been dating for approximately seven months.
3. The Birthday Post
View this post on Instagram
Back in April, Travis marked Kourtneyās birthday with, what else, a photo of them making out. This isnāt revolutionary, but my main question here is about the body positions. Travis is sitting on the couch, but heās holding Kourtney up in his arms. Why canāt she just sit on the couch while they make out? Idk, seems uncomfortable to me.
2. The Ass Carry (Clothed)
View this post on Instagram
This pose is reminiscent of every woman arriving to a date on The Bachelor when she hasnāt seen the lead in 18 hours. We donāt know for sure if Kourtney did the infamous Bachelor run-and-jump, but I’d like to imagine it that way. Travisā forearms cupping Kourtneyās butt is a lot to take in, but Iām most curious about the recording studio setting here. Was Travis previewing a new song for Kourtney? Is Kourt dabbling in music? Did they have sex on the studio couch Ć la Insecure season one? Iād like more context, but Iām also grossed out, so Iām good without it tbh.
1. The Ass Carry (Less Clothed)
View this post on Instagram
When I first saw this picture, I felt like I got the wind knocked out of me. The ass carry thing is enough to handle on its own, but Kourtneyās swimsuit is so tiny that I feel like Mark Zuckerberg is going to take this down at any moment. Also, it looks like theyāre in the middle of the desert, so why is Kourtney wearing a bikini? Is there a body of water nearby? And who is taking this picture? I have many questions, but they can all be boiled down to āwhy?ā
Images: Jeff Bottari/Zuffa LLC via Getty Images; kourtneydardash (4), travisbarker (2) / Instagram