A Definitive Ranking Of SkinnyPop Flavors

Before SkinnyPop, we were forced to either stop ourselves from eating a whole bag of popcorn or live with the fattening consequences. Thanks to science and, apparently, a lot of people’s desire to sit with an entire bag of one snack, finish it, then have enough spare calories to eat something else (proud to be an American), SkinnyPop has been gifted to us. Praise be.

I, and many others, will, however, judge you for the flavor of SkinnyPop you love and stock in your kitchen/desk/purse/car. Not all flavors are created equal, and you may need some guidance when it comes to this culinary and snacking masterpiece.

Here is our definitive ranking of SkinnyPop flavors as dictated by me.

1. Aged White Cheddar

Buy this. Now.

I’m not even going to rank the old, shitty, dairy free white cheddar SkinnyPop because a) why would you buy it when you can get one with real cheese and b) this one is like, infinitely better. At what time in your life were you ever able to eat something with real cheese that’ll only clock you in at 47 calories per cup? Fucking never. Take this real cheese dusted popcorn for what it is—a miracle—and fucking enjoy.

2. Pepper Jack

This newish flavor is equally important since it, too, uses real fucking cheese and I can still eat two bags of it (alone) without feeling THAT bad about myself. This makes it v important in the world of food and as a staple in my pantry.

3. Jalapeño

Why eat spicy shit? Cause it totes revs your metabolism and makes you probs skinnier in the process. So, according to science I semi made up for the sake of this article, combining SkinnyPop and jalapeño equals an ultimate diet food that I can eat as a meal replacement pretty much forever. So blessed, so moved. This one doesn’t involve cheese, so it falls to the third spot. But, remember, even if you’re third in the Olympics, you still get a medal.

4. Dusted Dark Chocolate

When you’re PMSing but feel fat but need chocolate or something that reminds you of chocolate you once had, this flavor is for you. It falls to the fourth spot because, well, it isn’t fucking real chocolate that’s only weighing in at 43 calories per cup. If it was, it probs would have snagged the No. 1 spot and accomplished world peace. This one also isn’t THAT sweet—it’s more like a cocoa dusted salted popcorn thing happened. Which, like, fine.

5. Naturally Sweet

Meh. It reminds me of popcorn dusted in fake sugar. It’s an OG SkinnyPop flavor, so some respect is still deserved. But, overall, this popcorn is about as exciting as florals for spring. Clearly, the brave culinary minds at SkinnyPop headquarters realized their mistake with this flavor and gave us the dark chocolate one.

6. Sea Salt And Pepper

If I wanted salt and pepper popcorn, I’d make it myself. Who eats this? Why wouldn’t you just get cheese? There’s no excitement here. This flavor makes it v obvious that I’m eating an air popped snack with like, no calories and, therefore, no flavor. On a positive note, my dog is really good at catching popcorn in his mouth and I think he enjoys this flavor. He also enjoys eating dead earth worms, but I’m not one to judge.

7. Original

It’s boring. Props to it being like, original. But it’s butter flavored, and fake butter at that. Plus, this one has a tendency to taste old and stale faster than the others—probs cause it doesn’t have shit like jalapeños or dark chocolate to cover the taste of boredom. But still, if it was in my pantry, I’d eat it. Does that say more about me or the SkinnyPop flavor? That’s not for me to determine.

Images: SkinnyPop (7)

Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki
Sarah Nowicki aka Betchy Crocker writes about food, fashion, and whatever else she's in the mood to complain about for Betches and like, some other people. She resides in Asheville, NC, where she spends her time judging hipsters and holding on to her Jersey heritage and superiority. Yell at her on Instagram @sarahnowicholson