1. Talking Shit

There’s nothing a true betch loves more than talking shit. Be this talking shit about other girls, guys, their best friends, celebrities, professors, poor people… if you have a flaw we will find it and talk shit about it. While the nice girl in the room may urge you, “Stop! These are real people we’re talking about!” betches know the truth. If you’re not cute, funny, or rich, you’re not a real person.

So what kind of settings do betches love to talk shit in? Let’s see… umm… ANYWHERE. Betches talk shit while sitting around at home on their couches (usually in groups of 5 or 6), in the corner at the bar, over drinks at dinner, while browsing Facebook, or via BBM while in the presence of the person they’re talking shit about. In this case, the saying goes, “if you have nothing mean to say, don’t say anything at all.” That’s a betch’s motto.

Betches can turn any situation into an excuse to talk shit, no matter how positive it may seem. Becky lost a lot of weight? Look how concave her stomach is! Gross! Anna got a job at Goldman Sachs? How many guys did she have to blow to do that? Whatever, bitch is ugly.

The more obvious it is that you’re talking shit, the more fun. For instance, I’m sitting next to Jen while BBMing Melissa that her hair looks greasy. While some may say this makes us catty and unsuitable for conversation, we like to call it “keeping it real.” Except for the fact that no one really knows when people are talking about them. Therefore, you should just assume that some betch, somewhere, is talking shit about you. Like a great betch once said, it’s better to be talked shit about than not talked about at all.

 #2 Not Keeping Up With the News >>


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